TPC 1st Round

First round leader bets. I am looking for players who come out of the stalls hot ideally coupled with an early tee time, when the weather is cool and the wind is down.

Dustin Johnson. 40/1. 1 point each way. Dustin sits T6 in 1^st round scoring average; however his tee time is fairly late. Fear not though, Johnson’s attacking style of play can reap first round dividends, and his distance off the tee should assure eagle potential on the Par 5s, and possibly a Par 4 or two. 40/1 seems generous for this 1^st round specialist, and StanJames are paying 6 places.

Charley Hoffman. 50/1. 1 point each way. The Hoffmeister is 2^nd in 1^st round scoring average. He has an 8.32 local time tee off. He’s playing with Danny Lee and Chris Kirk, both of whom have a few years on him, which should inspire the 39 year old to get going and play some quality golf. Charley shot 67 to open last year, giving him a tie for the lead, and there is no reason to think that the Texas Open champ won’t do the same here.

Charles Howell III. 80/1. 1 point each way. Howell boasts the number one spot in 1^st round scoring average on Tour. Last year he shot a 68 to open here, which was good enough for a place, and despite a missed cut at the Wells Fargo last week, arrives here in good form. Charles was in the places after the 1^st round of the Zurich, and was close in the Heritage. I can fathom no eventuality that Mr Howell won’t give himself an early chance this week.

Francesco Molinari. 90/1. 1 point each way. Francesco is T31 in 1^st round scoring average. He has an excellent early tee time, and starts from the 10^th. This means that he should cruise around, facing the challenging 17^th and 18^th early in his round, giving plenty of time to recover from any mistakes.

That’s all for now. As mentioned, StanJames are paying 6 places at ¼, with Paddy paying 7 at 1/5. 

The Players Championship

This week marks the start of the competition known colloquially as “The Fifth Major”, The Players Championship played at TPC Sawgrass. One of the most exciting and testing tracks on the circuit, this course is a favourite for some players, and inspires nightmares for others. Water is in play on so many holes, and once that starts to play on the mind, there is only one place for the ball to finish. With that in my thoughts, here are my selections for the week.

Rory Mcilroy. 3 points win. 17/2. No pomp, no fuss. Rory has finishes 8^th, 6^th and 8^th here in his last three years, and his current form reads T3-T27-4-T10-T4. A combination of course form and current form landed me the win with Hoffman, and I’m hoping the amalgamation can prove a potent mix here this week. This is Rory’s 6^th appearance in The Players, and will be hunting to add this to a list of conquered courses. The Northern Irishman has been building form lately and looks compelling in his play. I have been guilty before of insulting Rory, and calling him boring, but this week I’m hoping that boring works. Sawgrass is not a course that power bombers will excel at, and I’m in the frame of mind that this will complement the place Rory is in mentally, efficient, accurate and I am anticipating a return of some touch around the greens. Main chunk of the week goes on to Rory, and whilst the price isn’t much to shout about, it’s better than anyone’s likely to get on Rory in the near future.

Sergio Garcia. 1 point each way. 25/1. My numero dos in The Players is Sergio Garcia. Sergio’s form here is even better than Rory’s, reading 2-3-8, losing in a play-off last year. Sergio ranks 4^th in GIR on tour which makes him part of the elite. The only reason that Garcia is not my primary choice is his putting. He ranks T179 in putts per GIR, a woeful stat, and one that I imagine is not higher because his distance off the tee, and the quality of his approach play circumvents the need to putt well. Like Rory, I am wanting Serg to have picked up some more skill on and around the green, and thankfully I have 7 places on Garcia thanks to my favourite golf layers in the business, Stan James. Sergio let me down early in the year losing to Adam Scott, but this course suits the Spaniard better, and proven form here, including a win should prove fateful. Finally, current form figures read 2-T11-T18-T72-T34-3.

Phil Mickelson. 0.5 point each way. 55/1. My final piece of the Sawgrass action is on Phil. Phil doesn’t fit the criteria of course form / current form. Last three years here read MC-MC-MC for Phil. That’s missed cut for any of you that don’t follow golf. Phil’s current form is also somewhat sporadic reading T3-MC-T11-2-T37-5-T18-T13-MC-MC-T4. There are some low numbers in here, and a good finishing day at Quail Hollow should give Phil faith in his game, which I’m sure he has plenty of at the moment. Phil has one of the lowest scoring averages on Tour, and whilst I am playing a bit of favouritism and perhaps not being as shrewd as needs be, I do not care.

The below men are, for me, who I consider to be danger-men. If one of my chaps does not win this tournament, I strongly suspect that one of these will win. They have been axed from the plan brutally due to a necessity for streamlining.

Danny Willett. Little needs to be said here. Masters winner and all round good guy Danny will be out to win this week (obviously) and I’m sure he will put in a performance. However, he hasn’t competed since Augusta, and missed the cut on his debut here last year, so he was fairly easy to chop.

Rickie Fowler. Rickie is still the number one statistically ranked player on Tour, and almost had a resurgence in Quail last week. I prophesised two weeks ago that Rickie would need to find some form coming in to this week and he has done, with form reading 20-4 since the Masters, and returns to Sawgrass as the defending champ. Unfortunately I do not think that Rickie is back to that killer version of himself again yet, as he threw away the 54 hole lead cheaply at Quail, and may struggle here. Prices of 20/1 seem accurate and fair, so for anyone looking to add another string to their bow should opt for Fowler.

Bubba Watson. Bubba Watson ranks first in GIR which should suit Sawgrass. Bubba however does not have good form here. 37-48-42. Since a sorrowful performance at the Masters Bubba put up a spirited outing in China finishing 8^th, but that is not enough for me to elect Bubba as one of my picks.  

Branden Grace. Branden is a smooth operator who I imagine will feel comfortable here this week. Since his win he has a 9^th place finish, and his course form reads 48-42, which is not terribly inspiring. Enough said, axed.

Jason Day. Jason is part of the anti-Greg club and will try to scupper me and any stakes on him. Jason is in fairly good form with figures of 10-23-5 but he missed the cut here last year. Illness may well have been the cause for this, but I will not be risking anything on Day, even though he is well priced at 12s.

Jordan Spieth. Finally, a quick word on Jordan. At a glance, Jordan is in good form. T2-T13-T9-T18-T17. He missed the cut here last year but finished 4^th the year before. However, the innocuous looking T2 in Spieth’s form is hiding a very dark fact. Spieth’s well documented meltdown at Augusta. Cruising to another Masters victory Spieth blew up. He took a 7 on a Par 3, and even though he almost made a spirited come-back, it was not enough, and Jordan must be feeling deflated. He hasn’t competed since, and clearly stated his intentions to be ready for The Players. Spieth may well mount the charge of the century here, but when he has to stand up on the 17^th, and look at the little island green, everyone will know what thoughts will be on his mind, visions of Augusta will run, and Jordan might feel a little wobbly. It is of course possible that this will not be the case, and Jordan will have recovered with the help of top sports psychiatrists, but that combined with a best price of 10s is enough to axe Spieth from the plan. 

Han Solo and the Hahn Single

People often tell me that they think that Golf isn't a sport. They are wrong. It wouldn't have been long ago that I may have agreed with them, letting my personal feelings and objections get in the way of rational thought. Sport was once defined to me as requiring physical exertion, which some deny golf involves. Clearly, they are quite wrong, but that is not wholly my point. My point is that not only is golf a sport, as is watching golf. The physical exertion I put myself through watching golf, even with an investment as small as £3 on someone in contention, is tantamount to running a marathon. 

Probably. Not that I would deign to put myself through something like that.

Early last week I complained about a run of bad luck, which seemed unfortunately to continue this week. My bubbling double went down the pan swiftly, and I reinvested with a double on Berardo and Rose, which was going excellently until Berardo stopped missing those clutch par putts from thirty feet, and missing the green started to trouble him. The course was playing 75.3 which was more than three over par, and whilst my pick was only one over for the day, putting him nearly two and a half shots better than the field, there were a grand total of five players under par for the day, and two of them found themselves in the play off. Had my chap been under par for the day, he would have won the tournament, and level par would have given him entry in to the play off.

Rose looked good at one point but his putting is not where it has been, with the claw grip seeming to be a bit less than it’s cracked up to be, resulting in poor putting on tricky greens. I also had a double and singles on David Dixon, who unfortunately never really contended, and James Hahn, at 55/4. This is a spectacular price, and is one of the kinds that come from those bookies that price everything up in decimal and then oddschecker converts into a lovely fractional format.

I thought that the Hahn bet was excellent. He had missed 8 cuts coming in to this event and had no real reason to think that he would play any better here. He had had one good round on Saturday, and nothing about any course or actual form suggested that he would do well at all, so for all good reason, there was nothing solid behind backing him. But I thought I should because why not?

I didn’t watch a huge amount of golf on the Sunday. I therefore decided to go to bed and watch it in the morning.  Frankly, I thought it difficult to see past Rickie not creaming the win by three or four shots. But even at a best price of 21/20, he really did not appeal, and it’s far too close to pay-day to attempt some kind of colossal lump to slump. Behemoth sized wins were not for this week and this does make me cry basically. Tricky Rickie started poorly, and it never really got any better. He was two over for the day and on a course that averaged 72.4, that made him one and a half (and change) worse than the field average, which is frankly unacceptable on a Sunday. Had I backed Fowler, I would be ranting and raving about how much suicide and murder I was going to commit and how I hated him and his shoes and the water and everything and I was going to blow up all the water in the world. But no, since Fowler’s demise in the Phoenix, I am resisting from backing him, at least until he gets some confidence back.

Hahn made me work for it though. Watching the golf in the morning was a revelation to me, however I was forced to not go on my phone, and have Mrs Golfing Greg delete the notifications in case the winner was announced on the PGA Tour app. It also meant that I would not be able to check my account as this would give me the result.

 It was only by occasion that Hahn would find himself in the lead every now and then, and suddenly out of the lead by the grace of Castro, who was not throwing it away, and Rose, whose iron play was simply outstanding. Hahn made bogey on the 72^nd hole of regulation play, from position A1 on the fairway. In effect, he duffed his first putt, the nerves getting the better of him, and then took two more putts. This put him at level pegging with Castro. Castro would have to make birdie on 18 to win, par for a play-off, or worse to give my hero the win. I imagine that it’s relatively clear what I was hoping for. Whilst I like to want everyone to play well, at that point I was eager to see Castro slice his ball in to the gallery and be swiftly arrested.

Unfortunately this did not happen, and he made a solid par to force the play off. My heart went in to over-drive and I could barely take it. It was at this point that I decided to never ever watch the golf in delay again, especially when I have a bet live. Whilst 44.25 doesn't represent huge winnings, if there was more at stake, the option to lay off liability, either through hedging or actual laying, is not possible when watching post-event.

My thoughts immediately harked back to my play off disasters. Snedeker lost to Gomez and Fowler lost to Matsuyama, and I dreaded to think what would happen next. I dreaded what was to come, and my usually pink skin when somewhat…white. My heart decided to stop being in over-drive and instead decided to try and just break my ribs. I think it was beating less that once a minute, but it was beating so hard it was knocking the breath out of my lungs on one side, and battering the marrow out of my bones on the other, perhaps for the Grim Reaper to feast on.

I considered just checking the result and ending the impending feelings of cardiac arrest and death, but rationalised that I would probably become prematurely miserable and that’s worse than well timed misery which is easier to process. Maybe. Also I was scared. Yes, scared of losing £3. What I lack in empathy for the general populace I more than make up for in my own emotional investment in golf bets. I feel like my life is actually on the line sometimes. And my heart is almost my favourite one out there. And £44.50 is more than likely not enough for a new heart, especially not a good one, though I did once pick up a lamb’s heart for 44p in the reduced section, though somehow I don’t imagine that would be compatible with my system requirements.

Back to the play-off. Castro gave me a massive respite off the tee by plunging his ball in to the creek that runs the whole way along the left side of the 18^th. Once again the subversive elements of the H2NO campaign have been silenced. My heart decided to arrest again when Hahn stood up to the tee, but he planted one down the middle, which was excellent.

Dropping out of the water on to the steep bank Castro did not have what might be referred to as a good lie, with the ball well above his feet, and taking out a wood, swiftly knocked it over the right of the green in to some unsuspecting (somehow) spectator, whom the commentators initially thought to be a woman, but turned out to be a bloke. Whilst I have never been hit in the face with a golf ball, I have been hit in the face with a skateboard. The reason I was hit in the face with a skateboard is because I was standing in the middle of a half pipe, and my brother (of all people, and probably on purpose) fell off his, causing it to fly in to my face. This has taught me a valuable lesson, which is that if you are near a place in which a skateboard can hit you in the face, be careful. This kind of logic can be applied to all sorts of environments, such as golf courses. If you are on a golf course, and you are near where the balls go (the back of the green), you should be wary of the potential that a ball might come near you. When I play golf, I am always especially careful of this, as I have what is known as common sense (which I know might not come across). However, most other people seem to not have any common sense, which is why it is necessary to have health and safety everywhere.

To me, the principle of health and safety is basically to stop me from doing whatever I want all the time, and prevents actual fun and common sense. However, to some people, it is to prevent civil liabilities and potential lawsuits, under the guise of protecting everyone. The crowds at golfer are usually so close to the players and the balls, especially when they are out of position, that it seems to be only a matter of time before a nervous golfist delivers a one hundred and fifty mph golf ball directly in to someone’s brain. That will cause an outcry, and presumably all the good PR work in the world won’t be able to recover the situation. I can predict this leading to a health and safety knee jerk reaction that will result in the players being forced to loudly express their intentions and any possible pitfalls of any shot, which may result in an erratic path being taken, and having to wait four hours for anyone in any of those spots to be moved out of the way. They will also be forced to make their golf balls wear little high visibility jackets so everyone can see them. They’ll also have to be much bigger so everyone can see them, and they’ll also have to wear little life vests in case they go in to the water, so they float and don't drown (yes I'm still talking about the balls). It will then also become cruel to the balls to hit them and golf will be banned under the Geneva Convention.

Alternatively everyone could just dress in those bomb suits (Explosive Ordnance Disposal suit in real language) in case the ball comes near them and they get hurt. I am therefore going to invest all of my future winnings in the best bomb suit tailors in the world so I can watch my stocks rise like a skyscraper when the inevitable happens.

Anyway, back to the golfery. Castro was over the back for 3, and Hahn put himself 25 foot away for 2. Profit loomed. The commentators then decided to try and give me a hearters (again) by suggesting that Castro could chip in from this position. I suppose it wasn't that bad because I was prepared for the worst. After what seemed like a lot of faffing, due mainly to Castro’s ball coming to lie in someone’s loafer. I kid you not, it has bounced off this chap’s face into someone else’s shoe. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Castro did then almost knock it in, but couldn't quite muster it.

Hahn then took his third shot. He had two putts from 25 feet guaranteed for the win. He missed his first by 5 or 6 feet. Castro knocked in his fifth, for bogey, which was buggering good considering where he was off the tee. Hahn then stepped up to his putt, engaged testicles, and battered it home.

Sweet glory. I felt as though my blood had turned to honey (in a good way, not in a clotty kind of way) and a warmth spread through me. James Hahn has become my new hero and I'm going to have a flag made with his face on it. Instead of going to work I'm going to sit under the flag and sing songs about his mythical victory, and the riches it has spread through the world. I might also have to get a flag pole. How much are flag poles? £85 apparently. And that’s without the flag. I wonder how much it is to commission a flag. £43.50 apparently. So perhaps I'm a few pounds behind the full flag at the moment, surely huge financial aid will be coming my way soon, and I can adorn the front lawn with two flag poles, one consistently flying the Union Jack, and one flying the golfist whom is in my favour at the time. Also I can burn any flags of players who upset me. I reckon I need about £200 for the poles and then will need to consistently win £50 from different golfists in order to have their faces on the flags. This might seem confusing to the neighbours, but perhaps then I could just direct them to this blog for an explanation. Perhaps I can have a third flag commissioned championing this blog and advising confused passer-by’s to visit it before querying why I'm flying the Union Jack and seemingly random men. Probably need another £150 then.

This is a cast iron plan and I am sure you all eagerly await news on the progress.

I look forward to being the pride of the neighbourhood, and even more, I'm looking forward to The Players Championship this weekend. Rickie Fowler is out to defend, Spieth is out for the first time since Augusta, and Mcilroy is coming in to some fine form. What a week we are about to have. 

Toil, Toil, Trouble, Trouble and No Double

What an absolutely awful start to the weekend. Briefly, Lombard shot plus five today. Ouch. The course was playing hard and the conditions are usually tougher going out later in the day but five over still hurts, especially when the average score for the day is 73.7, meaning that two over is worse than average. Unfortunately for me, not everyone shot five over, which means that Lombard’s chances of winning are smashed on the rocks, as I will be when I find a suitably large cliff. I wonder if they make toasters big enough to go in the sea.

The weather is set to get even worse tomorrow, which does mean my chap is in with an outside chance, but unfortunately the next paragraph has ruined my hopes. 

Secondly, and just to really bruise the ego, Phil. Mickleson has long been touted as having the best short game in golf but today it really let him down. He missed three greens with a 64 degree in his hand and I decided to commission and employ the use of the world’s largest toaster, just in case dashing my head off the rocks at Beachy Head doesn’t quite do the job. Phil also found more water than Columbus and therefore I can hear the heady rumblings of the H2NO campaign coming back to the fore. By the way Phil took an 8 at 18. 

Rickie Fowler looks dominant in Quail Hollow, and the only man who can probably challenge him is Justin Rose. As well as Castro played today I can’t imagine him holding up to the pressure tomorrow in what, if the wind gets up, will make level par an exceptional score. Loopy Loupe doesn't have a hope in hell, and looks as nervous as my rubber duck every time I put the toaster on. Castro has finished on -8 and Loupe has finished on -6 after they both found the green side bunker, leaving Fowler with a one shot lead in to a tournament that he has won before. 

I have already spoken on the confidence boost that he will need going in to next week and I think that leading at this point will be enough, and anything further will be a bonus. 

It seems that the Grim Reaper really is after me, and I don’t have the scythe yet, but I will do soon. Also, I'm not killing myself over £5. 

Yet. 

Double, Double Toil and Trouble; Fire Burn, and Cauldron Bubble

I’ll make no secret of the fact that I haven’t (until now) had a bet this week. My confidence was booted in the teeth last week and my ego is still recovering from a somewhat jarring Glasgow Kiss. What’s to blame for all of my negative feelings? Certainly not poor betting. My punting is clearly A1. Obviously fate conspires against me. Fate wants me to jump in to the bath with a toaster, yet I refuse. The Grim Reaper is evidently a fervent reader of this blog and has decided my jests of suicide have gone too far, and schemes to take me to the brink. Not this week however. This week it will be I holding the scythe, and cutting down the bookies margins with gusto.

At the beginning of the week I didn't really fancy much in either the PGA or European Tour events, so decided to leave it, with a view to check in after 36 holes, and pick the value and lump. Well, not quite lump, because as it turns out lumping the weekend before payday is relatively difficult, given that the choice is basically lump or eat.

Given a choice between anything in the universe and eating, I will almost always choose eating. When I was younger I read a lot of SAS books, by Chris Ryan and Andy McNab, and most of the characters were obsessed with food. The philosophy was always along the lines of: “You don’t know when you’ll eat next, so if given the chance, eat.” This is something I practice at every opportunity. I am unmistakably not in the SAS, nor am I on some kind of CIA wet work black ops roster, so observing this mantra has its obvious pit-falls, not that I trifle myself with such things. I am only concerned with matters on a galactic scale, my thoughts filled with musings of the universe, the likelihood of extra terrestrial existence (which seems to me a mathematical certainty). I am certain that were aliens to come to our planet, we could befriend them over a 18 holes at St Andrews, and then a few pints at the 19^th. I don’t imagine some HG Wells interpretation of alien contact, more of a trade mission.

The aliens will offer the ability to travel faster than light speed, and technologies we have never seen, and we’ll offer betting and alcohol. Top traders from the best bookies and master brewers would quickly become the Emissaries of Inter-Galactic Alliances, and in return for ethereal enlightenment, we’ll teach and entire species how to ritually poison itself with the most readily available drug on the market, and how to belt their Martian domiciles away on the roulette at 5AM at the Universe’s largest super-casino, just 5 light years from the Milky Way. Then, the once peace loving travelers will turn to violence, and all out war will commence. After the former emissaries are unceremoniously murdered, a new alliance will be formed, on the Links. Rory, Ricky, Jordan and others will champion a new Ryder Cup, Earth versus The Universe, played on a course of random choosing.

I could go on, but at the risk of sounding self indulgent, I won’t. I will however, tell you about my bet. Each way double on Lombard in the Tropheé Hassan, and Mickleson in the Wells Fargo. Zander (Lombard) has put together two rounds of 70, which is consistent. Even after some kind of awful off the tee spell yesterday, he still managed to score two under for his round. Age is on his side and the 21 year old should have the mental resilience to bounce back and go low throughout the weekend.

The World Ranked 260^th player brings form of T26-T30-T50-T34-T7-2-T12-60-4 in to this tournament and is looking for his maiden win that will cement his place on the European Tour. Even though he is at such a heady number in the world rankings, the tournament can only boast one player in the Top 100, Burmester, another South African chap. This means that Zander comes in to this tournament in the top 20, and a top finish should be easily attainable for him. The Royal Golf Dar Es Salam is similar to many South African courses, with an emphasis on accuracy, and whilst Lombard ranks low on driving and GIR, he seems to have found a step up this week and apart from a brief spell, was striking the ball well. 12s seems very generous about this soon to be superstar, and were swiftly snapped up.

Phil Mickleson is my other choice. The five time Major winner has been putting in the hours recently with his swing and putting stroke, and his short game remains as fiery as ever. The only Major Phil has not won is the US Open, and that is around the corner. Oakmont is touted as one of the most brutal golf courses ever devised and Phil must be thinking about that. Watching Phil play yesterday harked backed to the days of domination. He was bolting in putts and driving well, and looked for all intents and purposes to be in good form again.

Apologies to the players at the top of the board, but I do not rate -8 as the leading score. I don’t see any of the 4 players occupying the top 3 scores as serious weekend contenders, and perceive the leading score as -5, which in my book makes Phil tied for the lead, which makes 9s for him to win an excellent price. Unfortunately short on capital means that significant punting is out of the window, so I will have to settle for a £2.50 each way double. Bookie profit margin shattering it might not be, but to fire the big guns you need to fire the little guns first.

An ideal situation will give me plenty to play with for next week, which sees Sawgrass return, and The Players Championship, which Rickie out to contest his defence. 

Form Favours the Foolhardy

Form is temporary. Form is fickle. Form is, well, gone. The headline news is no returns this week. I have successfully withdrawn £00.00 from my accounts and find myself financially and emotionally destitute. 

On Sunday I went to the most amazing intimate gig in the world. S Club 7 (now S Club 2) were performing at a local venue, accompanied by a foam party. Oh what fun! Committing to this event was difficult, given that it was planned for a Sunday evening , and that's when the golf finished. However, I was able to act cleverly, and not make my chums think I like golf more than I like them. It was fairly swiftly on Friday that I was able to surmise that the golf would not finish on time, no matter what. It was my ace in the hole. "I'll be there," I said, "Tell people I'm going," which was wishful thinking. Still, come the evening on Sunday, I knew I'd played my trump card, with the golf set for a Monday finish, and my chaps in reasonable positions, I was able to enjoy myself. The wine (coughrosècough) was flowing hard and we bumped in to a couple of fine chaps from Sheffield. This, I decided,  was a good omen. "Danny Willett is from Sheffield," I was thinking to myself, "Perhaps they know him"
"Do you know Danny Willett?" I asked. 
"No."
"Oh."
Then I decided to shut up and use my brain. "What’s the population of Sheffield?" I wondered. I reasoned that the Crucible could probably house a few thousand, but it wouldn't be busy all the time. I pondered how many former steel mills might have been converted in to luxury accommodation and decided that the population was probably about forty or fifty people. It therefore seemed unreasonable that these two chaps wouldn't know Danny, but I couldn't ask again. In the end, I decided to just spill my friend's drink.

At around this point I received a text from Mumsy telling me that would be required to help cut a tree down the next day, and requesting that I not drink too much. Showing my friends the text we all fell about laughing, so I responded with a hearty "Hahahahaha" for show. As an addendum I confirmed to Mother that I would be able to help, as I am a good boy really. 

As the night intensified, my memory hazes. Two for one cocktails sounds like a stunning idea, especially when you buy by the pitcher, but goodness does it demolish brain cells. Long Island Iced Tea is incredibly inappropriately named and should be called Long Island Iced Death given its innate ability to kill me.

All of a sudden, I found myself face to face with Bradley and Jo from S Club. They didn't appear quite as I remember them...but it was them. Instantly I was transported to my youth, of dancing around to S Club in my living room, and anywhere else I happened to hear them. Reach for the Stars was always my favourite, and this night it would prove to be no different. I went absolutely loopy when it came on, and in my inebriated state probably looked a little like a stroke victim being stuck with a cattle prod. Little did I care though as I realised what this was to mean. It was an omen, obviously, that Thomas Aiken was going to win the golfery and make me bundles of cash, probably enough to build a rocket to the stars. This moment of clarity was immediately celebrated by much more drinking. 

Before I knew it the night was over. Compulsory kebab shop carnage ensued and I was beside myself with glee watching the fighting, and just before I could open a book on the action some kind of action squad came in and got everyone arrested. Boring. 

Unfortunately the next day it was clear that the prophetic crooning meant something different entirely, and I was not going to be fortunate enough to build a rocket ship set for the stars. My previously well placed golfists were obviously hampered by the news that the tournament would be set to finish after just 54 holes.

In my last post I spoke of the hope I had. Hoffman was creaming through the field on a 3rd and now final round high and I started thinking about how I could spend my money, probably starting by paying for the Sunday night out. Aiken was also making headway up the leader board, before another delay. I have benefited before from having a weather delay, as it gave one of my players who was close to crashing out of the tournament a chance to get his head together and play better. But the last thing I wanted to happen was have my players who were on a hot streak forced in to the club house and cooling off.

And that is exactly what happened, Hoffers and Aikers cooled off and failed to place.

My European Tour fancies also failed to make any traction, and I am left penniless. Destitute and hopeless I wonder why I even bother.

But not for long, bad streaks end, and mine will end with a hammer blow to the bookies bank balances. 

Weather the Weather Whether or Not You Want To

I am bored. I am soooooooo bored. I am bored of weather delays. Last week’s European Tour action was delayed by weather, but frankly, that pales in to insignificance compared to what I'm being forced to endure this week. Round 1. Weather delays, completed on Friday. Round 2, weather delays, completed on Saturday. And guess what happened in Round 3? Ha! Caught you, Round 3 ran through smoothly and completed on time. GOT YOU AGAIN! Round 3 is, as expected is currently suspended.

Whilst I sound a bit whiney here, I understand that it is irresponsible to do golfing in “inclement” weather, i.e. giant lightning storms. I also don’t expect the PGA Tour officials to do anything other than attempt to get players out during any intervals, but it doesn't stop me from being bored. And stupid.

The other week I wrote of a bet on Nico Rosberg, who I keep tipping up to my chums, but I never really seem to back. Had I had the foresight to continuously back Nico I would probably be rich at the moment. The 11/8 second favourite came in to 2/5 favouritism before the race today, due to some stunning qually times, another power unit problem for Hammers and a penalty for Vettel.

This put Nico on the front row with Bottas. I part-fancied the Finn to do well here, so had £5 on him at 16s, just for a bit of interest. That didn’t look too bad for a while, with Valteri holding off Lewis well, but after the pits he came out behind Raikkonen and my race was well and truly run.

Nico cruised to a comfortable victory and I was beside myself with envy at what could have been. It seems inevitable that he will continue to crush the life out of everyone on the circuit, so future lumping will be heading in his direction. Having said that, unlike most other sports cruising to a win in F1 actually means very little coverage of you will be shown on TV. I mean, who wants to watch lap after lap of perfectly executed apexes and breaking? The coverage normally consists of those mid table constructors, jostling for position, points and perhaps podiums. With Vettel out of the race Kimi was free to cruise to 3^rd, and my money went awry. Oh well, I was bored once Lewis overtook him.

The snooker now is also boring. After a thoroughly exhilarating semi-final, which saw Mr Harrow’s exceptional punting thrown out the window with his failure to lay off. Picture the scene, £5 each way on Fu at 80s. Fu gets in to the semis somehow, and is up against World Number 1, Selby. After a very scrappy match, Fu started to look the stronger of the two. This was the opportune moment to back Selby. £100 on the Jester at that point would have guaranteed Mr Harrow £100 profit, as, if Fu progressed to the final, the each way was in, which would return £200. But the hedging was denied, and Fu failed to win.

The final thus far has been a thoroughly unenjoyable and boring affair. So you know, boring.

Football has less than no interest for me, so all of these people rooting for some team from the East Midlands is frankly boring.

The European Tour golfing has been happening at abhorrent hours at the moment whilst I've been asleep which kind of makes it boring.

Fortunately to cut through the boredom I have hope. Hope in Hoffman, hope in Aiken, and hope in Horschel, hope in Tringale, who, at the time of writing, are 3, 5, 6 and 6 shots off the lead respectively. Thankfully, I did not back Justin Rose who missed the 36 hole cut at some point on Saturday. I also did not back Rickie or Day, and I couldn't be less bothered.

I am, however, bored.