Double, Double Toil and Trouble; Fire Burn, and Cauldron Bubble

I’ll make no secret of the fact that I haven’t (until now) had a bet this week. My confidence was booted in the teeth last week and my ego is still recovering from a somewhat jarring Glasgow Kiss. What’s to blame for all of my negative feelings? Certainly not poor betting. My punting is clearly A1. Obviously fate conspires against me. Fate wants me to jump in to the bath with a toaster, yet I refuse. The Grim Reaper is evidently a fervent reader of this blog and has decided my jests of suicide have gone too far, and schemes to take me to the brink. Not this week however. This week it will be I holding the scythe, and cutting down the bookies margins with gusto.

At the beginning of the week I didn't really fancy much in either the PGA or European Tour events, so decided to leave it, with a view to check in after 36 holes, and pick the value and lump. Well, not quite lump, because as it turns out lumping the weekend before payday is relatively difficult, given that the choice is basically lump or eat.

Given a choice between anything in the universe and eating, I will almost always choose eating. When I was younger I read a lot of SAS books, by Chris Ryan and Andy McNab, and most of the characters were obsessed with food. The philosophy was always along the lines of: “You don’t know when you’ll eat next, so if given the chance, eat.” This is something I practice at every opportunity. I am unmistakably not in the SAS, nor am I on some kind of CIA wet work black ops roster, so observing this mantra has its obvious pit-falls, not that I trifle myself with such things. I am only concerned with matters on a galactic scale, my thoughts filled with musings of the universe, the likelihood of extra terrestrial existence (which seems to me a mathematical certainty). I am certain that were aliens to come to our planet, we could befriend them over a 18 holes at St Andrews, and then a few pints at the 19^th. I don’t imagine some HG Wells interpretation of alien contact, more of a trade mission.

The aliens will offer the ability to travel faster than light speed, and technologies we have never seen, and we’ll offer betting and alcohol. Top traders from the best bookies and master brewers would quickly become the Emissaries of Inter-Galactic Alliances, and in return for ethereal enlightenment, we’ll teach and entire species how to ritually poison itself with the most readily available drug on the market, and how to belt their Martian domiciles away on the roulette at 5AM at the Universe’s largest super-casino, just 5 light years from the Milky Way. Then, the once peace loving travelers will turn to violence, and all out war will commence. After the former emissaries are unceremoniously murdered, a new alliance will be formed, on the Links. Rory, Ricky, Jordan and others will champion a new Ryder Cup, Earth versus The Universe, played on a course of random choosing.

I could go on, but at the risk of sounding self indulgent, I won’t. I will however, tell you about my bet. Each way double on Lombard in the Tropheé Hassan, and Mickleson in the Wells Fargo. Zander (Lombard) has put together two rounds of 70, which is consistent. Even after some kind of awful off the tee spell yesterday, he still managed to score two under for his round. Age is on his side and the 21 year old should have the mental resilience to bounce back and go low throughout the weekend.

The World Ranked 260^th player brings form of T26-T30-T50-T34-T7-2-T12-60-4 in to this tournament and is looking for his maiden win that will cement his place on the European Tour. Even though he is at such a heady number in the world rankings, the tournament can only boast one player in the Top 100, Burmester, another South African chap. This means that Zander comes in to this tournament in the top 20, and a top finish should be easily attainable for him. The Royal Golf Dar Es Salam is similar to many South African courses, with an emphasis on accuracy, and whilst Lombard ranks low on driving and GIR, he seems to have found a step up this week and apart from a brief spell, was striking the ball well. 12s seems very generous about this soon to be superstar, and were swiftly snapped up.

Phil Mickleson is my other choice. The five time Major winner has been putting in the hours recently with his swing and putting stroke, and his short game remains as fiery as ever. The only Major Phil has not won is the US Open, and that is around the corner. Oakmont is touted as one of the most brutal golf courses ever devised and Phil must be thinking about that. Watching Phil play yesterday harked backed to the days of domination. He was bolting in putts and driving well, and looked for all intents and purposes to be in good form again.

Apologies to the players at the top of the board, but I do not rate -8 as the leading score. I don’t see any of the 4 players occupying the top 3 scores as serious weekend contenders, and perceive the leading score as -5, which in my book makes Phil tied for the lead, which makes 9s for him to win an excellent price. Unfortunately short on capital means that significant punting is out of the window, so I will have to settle for a £2.50 each way double. Bookie profit margin shattering it might not be, but to fire the big guns you need to fire the little guns first.

An ideal situation will give me plenty to play with for next week, which sees Sawgrass return, and The Players Championship, which Rickie out to contest his defence.