Played by the Players

Another shocker of a weekend.

I can't work out whether I should start with the bad news, the really bad news, or the good news.

I had the following bets on The Players. £30 win Mcilroy at 17/2. £10 win Mcilroy at 33s. £10 each way Sergio Garcia, 28s. £5 each way Phil Mickelson at 50s. £5 win Billy Horschel at *** and £5 win on Brooks Koepka at ***. £80 laid out, £0 returns.

£0.

Again.

A loss of £80.

This was somewhat mitigated by the triumphing of Wang, in the European Tour. A few days ago I wrote that I had backed him at 8/11 and he swiftly underwent a 3 shot swing to go 4 shots behind. Miraculously, he was able to claim one of those shots back over the next few holes, and went to the 16th tee only 3 shots behind. Yes that's right, he had 3 holes to make up 3 shots, easy right? Well the other bloke, Rahman, decided to crumble at this point, and swiftly hit a bad drive. Rahman is not a big hitter of the ball, and this often plays to his advantage off the tee, meaning that his ball does not usually go very awry. This was not an occasion where shortness off the tee saved him, and he was forced to hit a provisional.

I had, however, at this point all but given up. I was barely watching, and decided that a BLT baguette was much more suited to my needs than watching Rahman searching for his ball, and I supposed he would of course find it, and cruise to victory. This would have left me desperately searching the office for something to open my veins with, as the office does not have a bath.

Upon my return, I was surprised to see that Rahman was putting for a 6. This was unexpected. He knocked it in, and I waited with baited breath to find out what Wang was putting for. Probably a 6 also, I thought, not allowing my hopes to get the better of me. But no, Wang was putting for par, which he knocked in easily, thanks to a wondrous chip as a third shot, which was stuffed to about 8 inches.

All of a sudden I was really back in the game. One shot down with two to play is nothing, Wang had the honour, and was ready to put Rahman in the pressure cooker. The pin was accessible, and thanks to the heavy rain earlier in the day, the ball was stopping quickly. Wang decided to put his ball in the bunker instead. I decided to stop watching. Before I knew it, I decided to start watching again. Wang had made par, and somehow, Rahman had made bogey. I was level. Wang was now odds on for the first time since I placed my bet. A good tee shot set him up to attack the green in two, on the finishing par five. Rahman was in the fairway too, but could not manage any better than short and right of the green in two. Wang stuck it in the bunker, and the race was on. A mediocre chip from Rahman gave Wang the advantage, and he did not disappoint, displaying supreme touch in his short game, and sticking another one to 3 foot. Rahman had a putt for the birdie, to force Wang to make his putt for a play off, but couldn't make it.

It was so surreal. From certain loss of many £s, was a chance to win some. Wang knocked in his putt, and the money was mine. £172 and change, £72 profit. I was still £8 down for the weekend, unless one of my other golfists could haul himself up The Players leader-board. Whilst winning £72 is not a huge amount of money, especially given the stake, I immediately went mental. I had told several people about the bet already, all of whom laughed at me when I told them the current prices. I ran around, whooping and hollering, cheering to anyone close enough to know of my success. When I say ran around, what I mean is I sat at my desk breathing heavily and went for a high five from Mr Harrow.

This was good news. I was seconds away from being buggered silly by the weekend, and now I was in a position to possibly make some money, or worst case hardly lose any. What I should have done was put all of the money on Jason Day, who seemed imperious, priced at 3.10, would have given me around £224, putting me in profit of £40 for the weekend. You may be able to discern from my tone that I did not do this.

I opted instead to have two £5 bets on the F1. The Ferraris are excellent around Barcelona, and had shown some brilliant pace in practice, so I had £5 win on Vettel at 25s and £5 win on Riakkonen at 45s. It didn't take long for these bets to start to look extremely good as Rosberg and Hamilton clashed on the third corner, with Nico squeezing Lewis for position, Lewis ran wide on the grass, spun, and took Nico out. Lewis, famously wearing his heart on his sleeve, showed his anger by throwing his steering wheel (£35,000 worth) on to the floor. My bets immediately seemed excellent with Ferraris in commanding positions, with just the pesky 18-year-old-recently-promoted-to-Red-Bull-from-Torro-Rosso Max Vestappen to pass.

Fortune however continued to evade me, and over the next 65 laps, Max showed Seb and Kimi why he had been promoted, and why he was justifiably about to become the youngest winner of a Formula 1 Grand Prix. So congratulations to Max and commiserations to me. All of my attention now turned to the evening's golf.

What would TPC Sawgrass have in hand for me. It was not impossible for Mcilroy to win, and I briefly considered having a piece of the 100/1 about his victory, you know, for scenes, but decided against it. And wisely so. Mcilroy is so close to playing at his best again. Every aspect of his game is in top condition, with the huge exception of his putting. He was ranked as the worst putter over the course of the tournament, and it is only thanks to the excellent other aspects of his game. I would like to be more expressive, but at the risk of sounding crazy, he putts like a dog. A dog with no head and only one leg. I would have more success putting by throwing such a poor beast at golfery balls, and will be writing to the Mcilroy household to express that view. Mcilroy did not win, even though he had plenty of birdie putts. He had 15 putts for birdie, and was able to make only 4 of them. With an average a little below one in three, Rory was never going to win. Had he been able to average two in three, he would have shot 10 under for the day, set a new course record, and gotten in to a play off, which, riding high, it's more than possible he could have won. Had he putted any better than making two of three birdie putts, he would have won the tournament.

What else to say? Sergio decided to go backwards over the weekend, carding a 77 and a 75, which was abhorrent, Phil had already missed the cut, Koepka and Horschel did nothing, and I am left wanting. A very small loss for the weekend is easily over looked, but the ego and confidence is bruised. I could hardly face myself on Monday, and whilst cycling in to London, decided not to bet this week. Before the next pedal stroke I decided that was utter nonsense and of course I would bet this week.