Hatred

I hate everything right now. 

I hate myself.

I hate Golf.

I hate Golfists.

I hate that we as a country voted to leave the EU.

I hate the reductionist arguments filling my Social Media pages from the angry latte liberals calling the champagne righties racists or old or both.

I really hate golf though.

The US Open was relatively fruitful for me. I laid out £100 and had £270 back from my main lump on Brandon Grace at 50/1. 6 places was necessary as he bogied the last to drop in to a tie for 5^th with one other. I could have written more about this, but I watched it before playing a 54 hole charity event, and then I went on holiday and had better things to do. 

Like sleep.

Congratulations to Dustin Johnson though. Three or four more majors he will win now. He and his brother and caddy Austin deserved the win. I wonder where they keep the other brothers, Bustin and Custin whilst the two of them make money to support the plethora of alphabetically named brothers they obviously have.

This week is a wholly different matter though. A pair of nothingy tournaments with zero to be excited about. No bets before the week began. Then some small bets on Sergio and Rickie and Ernie and Oleson (double) and Lorenzo-Vera and Rickie.

None of this was going particularly well so I decided to have a taste of the action properly. Rahm was looking on the cusp of imperious and after some vacillation on the idea of whether or not I would actually get back in to the lump to slump game, I lost 4 points on price so lumped as quickly as I could. £50 wend its way on to the new pro and US Open low amateur before you could say “the rain in Spain”. It then all went awfully. Aside from an extremely brief resurgence there was nothing to enjoy. £50 is not a hugely significant lump, and 9/4 is not a price to get excited about, but I was almost immediately angry.

Rahm started playing poorly-ish and Hurley, the super duper American ex-Navy hero all round good guy carried on being my worst enemy. The guy is 37 and has 101 Tour appearances without a win, has a good game and is incredibly hard to hate. But I managed to hate him. Oh, how I managed to hate him. Horrible thoughts sprang forth from my mind as did videos that I sent to people to make them laugh at my misery.

Rahm had me looking up what time Wickes was open to early on. I wondered if an Uber would be able to fit enough lumber and rope for me to be able to build a gallows and hang myself before realising that it was 10PM on a Sunday which means that nothing would be open. As a modern man I rarely shave due to severe laziness, and therefore don’t really have any actual razors which means that the old warm bath and a cold blade proposition was out.

When I placed the bet I was excited. My heart immediately went from its probably too high resting rate to higher than the highest rate ever recorded. My education isn’t good enough to know what that might be, and my late night googling skills aren’t sufficient enough for me to find out what the most beats per minute ever is. So let’s just say that my heart was beating one thousand times per second. It was beating so loudly as to cause a severe noise disturbance.

The police were alerted and quickly arrived at my house, on the belief that several chinooks had landed in the garden, which was the only rational explanation for the noise. The fire brigade, army, SAS MI5, MI6 and all of the other secret organisations arrived and pointed large and scary guns at me. This was my opportunity. I have heard of suicide by police. All I have to do is point my gun at the rozzers and they’ll be forced to open fire upon my stress racked body and I would be relieved of all my pains. I pointed my gun at them and they opened fire.

I felt the lead rip through my head and I was dead.

Then I opened my eyes. Even though I was being rocked about by my beating heart I could see enough to know that there was no one else there. I retreated to the safety of my hood. By which I mean the attachment of clothing, I am not attempting to use colloquialism to ingratiate myself to a different audience.

It all just went rather badly.

Just like the referendum. I’m not talking about it though.

Maybe just for a bit. I had one good bet this week. The Triple Threat. UK to vote to leave the EU. 11/4. Winner. Boris to be the next Tory leader. 9/4. Now Evens. And Trump to win the Presidential election, 9/4. Now 2/1. Better prices were available, but only the old reliable StanJo (StanJames) were up to the task of accepting a treble, so I snapped it up. £20 at 36/1 (ish).

When I placed it, I had never wanted a bet to lose more. I don’t see any of these things as being good, but I hope to profit in the case of misery. I am perhaps a war-profiteer. I understand the mentality. Since the vote came in, (bloody old and racist people ruining things), my life is all about the bet. I am on Team Boris, and Team Trump. Team Brump. Or Trumpson. Or whatever, they even kind of look the same.

It’s time to start betting against whatever I want and profit from my own misery. Dive head first in to the misery and hope it turns in to a pile of cash. Then make flags of it all and live on an old oil rig or something. Perhaps I could win enough money to run for PM. Bring out the best premo-policies wait until I’m 1/100 and then lay the heck out of myself. Then I’ll go on to national television and announce that I would be banning reality TV shows (or perhaps I could announce a common sense policy and count on 51.9% of the population thinking it "scare-mongering" NOT TALKING ABOUT IT), scuppering my vote and netting many billions of pounds, and buying my own island. Obviously I would need to do this on a reality TV show as no one seems to watch anything else now. I believe Phil Mickelson recently got caught doing something like this and he’s always smiling so I’ll be fine. (Sorry Phil, I know this isn’t quite true, love ya Pal). Anyway, when I announce my own island an independent state with incredibly lenient tax sheltering laws, I’m sure all charges will be dropped. When you’re rich, it must be so easy to get even richerer.

I can build a big golf course on my island and make Butch Harman and all of his sons come and teach me golfery and shoot anyone who beats me at golfing. I’ll have a formula one race there and all of the drivers will have to get insanely drunk with me before race day and the race will be dubbed Hungover in Hannover. FYI the island will not be called Hannover.

I realise that you are all incredibly endeared to me and my lifestyle so do this for me. Become American and vote for Trump. Or be American and vote for Trump. Or make sure that Bozza becomes the next Tory party leader. I won’t give you anything, but I will thank you. Not personally. And not even in a large public announcement. You will have no proof that I thanked you, but you will know that I said that I would thank you, and if that is not enough for you, then you are un-American or un-Conservative-y or whatever. 

Here comes the pain...

Oakmont is here. The most brutal course in the world is here to take on all comers. Well, the 156 that qualified at least. Footage has been leaking through all week of brutally fast and tricky greens. Rain and quite possibly thunderstorms are forecast for Thursday and Friday, so picking a player from the correct tee time draw could be crucial. Getting out early on the potentially thunderstorm ridden Thursday (Thunderday – it’s not Thorsday for nothing!) and finishing, then being able to take advantage of the softer greens on the Friday will be important. I’m also a fan of teeing off from the 1^st on a Friday.

Everyone knows Oakmont will punish wayward accuracy. There are few trees, but the rough is denser than the centre of the planet. I’ll keep it sweet, and bosh out some selections for you to take your pick from.

Numero uno, the boss this week, is Brenden Grace. This member of the world’s elite is priced outrageously at 50/1. Snap that up with as much money as you can. I have.

Adam Scott is next up. If he can bring his ball striking we saw earlier this year Oakmont might be more of a pushover. Offensively priced at 33/1, the Aussie should go well here.

Jason Day. World Number One. TPC Champion. Major winner, and all round hero. Do I need to say more?

Rory Mcilroy continues the chart. If he continues to strike the ball well and putt consistently, and keep his head up, he has all the skills to conquer the field this week.

Phil follows. Lefty hunts the career Grand Slam and 2016 may represent his best chance for some time. Good form, and some fire in his belly. I also garner that he recently escaped the clutches of some financial funny-business which may make him feel a little invincible, which will be necessary around here. Quotes of 33/1 are also a little insulting.

Jordan Spieth is the best price he is likely to be all year at 10/1. (11s if you were on Betfair for a couple of hours today). His putting is better than anyone else’s, which could count for extra this week. Although the greens might be so horrible it may make no difference, exposing the other weaknesses.

Matt Kuchar is the form horse and has the mental dexterity, coupled with the tee to green prowess to find fairways and greens. His experience and maturity will suit difficult days well here and Kuchar should shine. 40/1 is more than generous.

Brandt Snedeker. Loves performing when other players are struggling. Steaming form of 3-2-1 early this year have cooled off a little and whilst his putter may be a little cold of late, it’s possible that could count for little here. Or not. Either way, 70/1 on this rhythm hero is massive.

Matt Fitzpatrick. What is not to love about this young Sheffield-ian. Wining the Nordea Masters last week will be a huge confidence boost, as well as a solid place in the Masters, this young man is not afraid to compete on the big stage, his strong lag putting could serve him well here, as well as his accuracy off the tee. He has a touch of Spieth-like magic about him and could bring the hammer home here at a price of 75/1.

Sergio Garcia won last time out and is probably the best golfist to have not won a Major. Serg won last time out and is a proper hero. 50/1. Enough said.

Paul Casey is another Englishman with strong potential here. Clean crisp ball striking and calm under pressure. 80/1 is offensive.

Former World Number One and in form chap Luke Donald is also heroic. An unfortunate loss to Branden Grace (from which I profited) at the RBC, another course which places a premium on accuracy tee to green so he should be suited well. He is renowned as one of the best bunker players around, so the 200+ sand traps here mightn’t be that much of a punishment for him.

Masters champion Danny Willett gears up for his shot at the Grand Slam. That’s pretty much all that’s behind my decision to back him, though 33/1 could be regarded as a little offensive.

Finally for the outright, as a treat to Mr Harrow I’ve backed Jamie Donaldson for him.

1^st Round Leader fancies are a plenty and DJ is excellent at the first round. Using more formulas I decided that Dufner has the best chance of leading, giving his good 1^st round scoring stat, and his early ish tee time. 100s is top value. 

Wicked Weekend Weakens Weary Weapon-Wielder

I look back on another uncharacteristically bad weekend. With what could amount to be the event of the year up coming up, the required warm up weekend went missing. I needed a good return on the weekend to set me up for some serious slumpage for this weekend. Winnings and elation have eluded me and pain erupts through my body without recourse. I am lacking in redemption and thoroughly consumed by failure.

Let’s start at the beginning.

As previously mentioned, I had £20 go swimming with DJ for 1^st Round Leader.

Yuck.

Then I had £5 each way on Gary Stal before the weekend, £5 each way on Brooks Koepka and a £5 each way double. Stal stalled and went backwards and so did my heart.

The flying Frenchman did not fly to victory as predicted/expected/desired, but helped everyone open the door to allow Ashun Wu pick up his second European Tour victory since last year’s China Open. It’s impossible not to like the chap but even though Stal mounted a French charge on the final day, the French Revolution was quashed by the Imperious Chinese forces. (And Spanish and English and South African and a different vive le Francais advocate and someone from Holland. Thanks guys.)

Koepka was then my final hope and hope was not in abundance. If hope was a currency I would be a poor man. Thankfully hope is not a currency, unfortunately I am still a poor man. My lump to slump days of picking winners or having morosely large bets preceding the Sunday’s play are semi-behind me and the confidence is lacking. The long and the short of Koepka is that I had three places and he tied for 2^nd with three others, meaning I had but three quarters of my stake at 2.75. This does not make for great returns (£9.17 to be exact, immediately re-slumped on Adam Scott to win the US Open). The depressing fact is that with most bookies one can’t even withdraw less than £10.

On Sunday I decided that Mickelson might do the business and had £20 on him. As well as £5 on Ricciardo to win the Grand Prix (bad times) and a £5 double (extra bad times). I watched the Grand Prix at work.

The Canadian Grand Prix is the best race outside of Europe. Tight and with ample opportunity for overtaking and represents what claims to be excellent value. Red Bulls have shown excellent pace here before and Ricciardo wanted to win almost as much as I wanted him to. I don’t know what F1 drivers get for winning races, apart from bottles of champagne larger than most dogs, but what I mean is monetarily. It couldn’t be more than the £50 I’d win, and the £55 I’d have going on to Mickelson at 5s.

Probably.

But I wasn’t about to find out what it was like to win. The beginning of the race was exciting, as was the bit where some stuff happened, but nothing good happened for me so I was bored and sad and without significant financial injection. I still like Ricciardo though, but the potential smile on my face was wiped off very much in the nature his was the week before.

Mickelson looked like he might do the business for a while. He and another veteran campaigner Steve Stricker were playing together and were likely to bounce experience off each other and be completely relaxed. Berger did not look relaxed. He was level through 10 and the attackers were coming up the beach. At this point I fell asleep. The chronic tiredness I was feeling from packing and being up to four in the morning drinking and behaving in a miscreant fashion had tuckered me out. The three hour delay on the golfery did not help and I missed all the rest of it. Checking my phone upon awaking in a daze I was immediately informed by the PGA Tour app as to who had won the tournament. Such a crushingly cold and clinical way to discover one’s fate. Imagine if doctors started delivering news in that fashion. The message said something like “Daniel Berger wins the Fedex St. Jude Classic”. Imagine finding out that you had an incurable disease that way. That’s how I felt. An empathy lacking programme had told me that I was not in the money and I was crushed. And knackered. I went to bed and decided to think about how to process it in the morning. I decided to ignore this for as long as possible.

Why couldn’t I win this week? Not loads. Just enough to have a sizeable lump on the US Open. Maybe just enough to have £100/150 to smash on someone. But it was not to be and I am going to have to rely on other means of financial gain. What are overdrafts for if not lumping?

I am going to pretend that I do have huge firepower this weeks. I am going to prepare a full broadside on the bookies. My armada is ready. The ships are sailing to war. The sky clouds grey and the sunset reflects blood red off the water, foreshadowing the destruction to come. Every bet until this point has been training to run out the cannons. Timing runs, aiming runs, distance finding. Practiced until perfect. The sails are taut and the wind favours me. Port and starboard batteries are run out and the enemy is in range. A lost battle is a battle one thinks one had lost, and my battle is not lost. I will prevail against the ever-growing enemy, and will not rest until the bookmakers are in ashes in my wake.

Or until I have enough money to retire.

Oakmont beckons. 

Time to get Involved

After the conclusion of yesterday's golf, I decided that it was finally time to weigh in on the action, and bet heartily on the outcome. I have opted (and so should you) for Gary Stal (10/1) in the Lyoness Open, and Brooks Koepka (7/1) in the Fedex St Jude.

The idea behind the bets is looking for overall value. Stal did not perform as expected yesterday, but everyone has off days. Thankfully no one else was able to shine through and he finds himself only one shot off the lead going in to the weekend. 10/1 represents a huge amount of value for a one shot deficit, which would be easily overcome even in the last hole of the tournament, let alone with 36 holes to play. Stal seems the obvious choice in the field and shout outscore compatriot Gregory Bourdy, and the Lombard(direct) man today.

For some time yesterday I was regretting having not backed Colt Knost, and with good reason, he started on the back 9 and finished it three under for the day, and got up to eight under through 12. Colt was one behind and looked set to make up a couple more shots. Then, disaster struck. On the Par 3 fourth, courtesy of a blocked tee shot, Colt found himself twenty yards off line to the right. A perilous chip shot awaited him, with the quickening green ready to whisk away balls in to the water.

No sooner said thank done and Colt had to watch in frustration as his ball sneaked in to the wet stuff. Penalty and drop out and he chipped on for his fourth, two putted (should have been one putt) and made a 6. At a par 3. He dropped back three shots to five under and must have thought his misery had peaked, he had gone from one shot off the lead to four.

But no.

Oh no.

The Golfing Gods are not that kind and misery comes in droves, not drips. Colt's tee shot on the next found the rough, and now he was to be penalised for his lack of distance off the tee. Colt had 238 yards to the green, on a par 4, which is only three yards fewer than his tee shot went. The difference here for the guys with the distance is that even when it goes wrong, they don't have that much left. A strong wedge or maybe a 9 iron, just being cautious of a flyer out of the Bermuda grass rough, but Colt has to take a whole lot more club.

He did an admirable job from the thick stuff, but couldn't make the green. He was thirty yards short, and would need to display some serious short game prowess. Failing to really do so, Colt put his third shot to seven feet, and damn near holed the putt, but not near enough. A five meant four over through the last two, and the disappointment must have been at peak amounts and Colt was probably wishing that he had jumped in the water with the ball.

Colt must have thought that normalcy had resumed on the next hole when he made a fairway-green-two-putt par. Colt was wrong. Thanks to a tugged second on the next hole, and swiftly found himself with a twenty footer for par, which he did not make. Another five and Colt had dropped five shots in the last four holes.

Next up was a Par 3. Colt didn't take enough club off the tee and found himself in the front bunker. Inability to get up and down led to another bogey. Colt had thrown away six shots. Had I backed him, I would have been going absolutely loopy. (Not Loupe). I would have been wishing that I had a Colt 1911 so I could go rampaging and murdering, finally culminating in shooting myself in the head six times. I imagine Colt probably felt similar, although being an American he probably has access to that kind of thing. I consider myself lucky not to be an American, for pretty much that reason alone.

But Colt carried on, and on the 9th, his last hole of the day, he made another birdie. Birdieing the last is excellent for morale, so Colt may feel a little bolstered going in to the weekend, despite a poor rest of the round. The third favourite 14/1 shot is now available at 50s, Poor chap.

Brooks Koepka went about as far in the other direction as possible yesterday. He carded a solid 65, a score that has only been beaten once during the tournament, by Daniel Berger. Koepka is four off the lead going in to the weekend, and will be ready to take the course apart again, to card some strong scores. The powerhouse should do well this weekend, and can overcome any deficit.

Throwaway Thursday

There seems to be very little worth being excited about this week. The most exciting thing is that it's the US Open next week. Whilst I anticipate two thoroughly enjoyable tournaments to watch, firepower is in short supply, as is top class punting opportunity. I think we'll start closer to home this week, and then move stateside.

First up is the Lyoness Open, in Austria. This fiercely named tournament is unlikely to provide fierce competition for the viewers. Defending champ and last-time-out-winner Chris Wood is back out to stamp his authority on the European Tour. I've previously backed players from a combination of current and course form, what course form is better than 1st last year and what current form is better than 1st last time out? A potent mix that I don't see worth looking too much beyond.

Market topper Luiten has been disappointing of late, throwing away opportunities that for someone of his skill should have had little trouble converting in to wins. He does however have fairly solid form here, winning three years ago, runner up on his defence a year later, and 3rd in 2011. A fair lack of current form whisks me away from Luiten.

I am unsure what to make of the PGA Event really. The week before the US Open is not exactly gripping me. Dustin is famously bottle-y since the US Open last year and as I have mentioned before, needs only a confidence boost. He is an all rounder, and will undoubtedly win again soon, and will probably notch a couple of Majors. But he needs the confidence, and this sub-par-ish (no offence chaps) field could be his week, but I won't be betting on the outright until after the conclusion of play today.

What did start to grip me however is Dustin Johnson's first round. The big hitter started to score well and I thought it was high time to get a bet on. I had £20 on Dusto to be first round leader at 13/2. As if he sensed that I had bet on him, Dustin decided to start playing terrible. He bogied his next hole, and then put one in the water on the Par 3.

I was following the action on PGA Tour's leaderboard which has a built in shot tracker function, which is brilliant. Brilliant if your chappie is playing well. If he's playing badly however, it's just like watch a satellite image of your head exploding. Dustin swiftly found himself at plus two for the round and I swiftly found myself cursing his and my own existence.

Just as I was about to kick the chair away from underneath me, Dustin stuck his second shot on the par 5 to eleven feet. I stood awkwardly on the chair and loosened the noose slightly. Dustin holed the putt and I took the rope off. Dustin went on to birdie the next four holes before, you guessed it, knocking it in the water on the next Par 5. This was disappointing, I was expecting birdie, if not better there, and he dropped out of the lead. He then followed this up with a further two birdies and was looking good, leading at five under. Then from nowhere on the 9th (his final hole) he made bogey to drop back to four under, for a share of the lead. At the same time the young Korean Noh, tapped in his birdie at the 18th and overtook Dustin. I'd gone from perhaps having a dead heat to having absolutely nothing. Needless to say I found the rest of the afternoon a little less than fun.

Anyway, back to the European Tour after the first day. Adrian Otaegui has the first round lead. Two shots clear, the world ranker 625 is probably not quite sure what to do at the moment. He's never had a finish better than T6 on the European Tour, and seems unlikely to convert this lead. He's eight under and the next chap in the betting is Bjorn Akesson, two behind at six under. This is another heady world ranker who has posted a few Top 5s on the Tour, so could hold on a little bit. Having said that, I see the real lead as five under, shared by Zander Lombard and Gary Stal. I'm siding with Stal in that arrangement, having won in Abu Dhabi last year, and having won on the Challenge Tour before then. Stal is my pick of the tournament going forward, and looks to be a juicy price at 25/1.

The next pick I have in the Lyoness is Kristoffer Broberg. Not only does he possess an excellent surname (c'mon Bro), he also possesses the skill and the experience to win here. Broberg has a European Tour trophy in his cabinet in the shape of the BMW Masters last year, beating an impressive field including Patrick Reed, Henrik Stenson and Sergio Garcia, Justin Rose, Danny Willett and more. Broberg is a big fish (Bro-eam - going too far?) in a small pond and should have little trouble triumphing here. Kris with a K is available at 22/1 and that's the kind of each way value we don't see a whole lot anymore. Snap snap says the hungry shark.

And better late than never is the PGA Tour. Headed up by Hoge, Noh and Stefani, we could be in for an action packed few more days. There are 67 players within 5 shots of the lead, which at this stage leaves the whole tournament wide open. Two reachable par 5s means that anything could happen. Large bodies of water could lend themselves to huge swings, so it's a bookies bonanza and a bettor's bitch of a line up ahead.

Big Boy Belter DJ heads the betting, and with good reason, as mentioned earlier. I imagine that this will finally be his week, and a course known for breaking maiden winners could be the right one to reignite DJ's career. However, at 3/1 with three rounds to play and such a wide open leaderboard, I am not rushing to back Dustin (or anyone, for that matter).

Hoge is world ranking 237 and hasn't won anything since 2011 on the Canadian Tour. Wide berth requested. Noh has a couple of wins on the European Tour and Asian Tour, as well as triumphing in the Zurich Classic two years ago, meaning that he knows what it is to win, but a two year drought may prove difficult to overcome. Shawn (with a W) Stefani is another high in the world rankings contender, with two wins to his name on the Web.com, a brace of second place finishes on the PGA tour in 2014, and nothing since. This maiden breaker course could come to force this weekend, and whilst unlikely, it is possible one of these chaps could win.

A much more likely winner is Colt Knost. Colt brings a string of good form in to this appearance, having missed only one cut in his last 19 starts on the PGA Tour. A smooth swinging, accurate operator who could be well placed to pop his cherry here. Colt finished T3 at The Players, another course which places a premium on accuracy. His drawback however is his lack of distance off the tee, which means that whilst he cruises around birdie-ing about, and being bogey free, one of the big hitters could start taking the course apart, with eagle opportunities abundant, Colt may quickly find himself a light-weight in a heavy-hitters field. Best prices of 14/1 aren't alot to shout about either.

Proven entity Jamie Donaldson is in good form at the moment, and much more reasonably priced at 25/1. I have mocked Mr Harrow for backing the Welsh wonder-man before, but perhaps he's finally recovered from nearly chainsawing his thumb off, and is ready to get Ryder Cup ready.

Another multiple time winner is Steve Stricker, who is thriving in his semi retirement. Quotes of 33/1 are available about this veteran, which hungry sharks will take up. Daniel Berger is hanging around and looking for his maiden win. I would be rushing to back this young man, were it that I didn't think he had a touch of bratishness about him. He responds to poor shots poorly, and seems to struggle to bounce back, which does not make a winner in my mind. Quite how he merits second favouritism in this tournament is beyond me, and his quotes of 14s makes Knost look appealing.

Retief Goosen has been threatening again of late. One of my earliest memories is of Goosen holing out and going on to win some tournament, which has always led to a sense of romanticism about the South African. Backing with the heart however is not for the profitable.

Italian Stallion Francesco Molinari is only three off the lead, and may look an appealing price at 50s, but don't be fooled, more than once old Franny has let me down on the final day, so my policy will be to steer well clear.

A final note on previous winners here. Fabian Gomez 150/1, Brian Gay 100/1, Dustin Johnson 3/1, Harris English 33/1 and Ben Crane 66/1 have all won here previously. Crane looks in best shape of the lot of them and is also most attractively priced. Brooks Koepka will also likely be in the mix come Sunday, though is not well priced at 25/1 given his current position, five shots of the lead. Finally, a wild card. Harold Varner III has been around a lot lately. This happy go lucky chappy is extremely popular on Tour, and could be set to burst through this weekend, so keep an eye out for him. 175/1, by the way.

Choking Under the Pressure

I continued to not bet this weekend. I thought that I was going to find it very difficult for some time. Given that Matthew Fitzpatrick, someone I like very much was playing well, and Kuchar, who I tipped on Friday (Wednesday really) was looking fairly imperious, I was starting to get quite annoyed. Day was also throwing his chances away left, right but not really centre, and this would have sent me spiralling around in disappointment. Thankfully I am empathetic enough to be able to put myself in the shoes that I may have been in, had I had a bet.

I would not have backed Fitzpatrick. As much as I love the 21 year old Sheffieldian, he would not have topped my list. Since the Masters his form has read woefully, and he missed the cut in Sweden last year. I fancied Westwood a bit, but the way he left me feeling the week before, I wouldn’t have gone near him. I don’t even know who I would have backed in the end, so, you know, whatever.

I would, however have picked Kuchar, and Jason Day at the Memorial. It’s possible I would have had sizeable lumps on each of them, given their short prices at the beginning of the tournament. Both were well positioned after the first day. Kuch performed on day two and Day didn’t. Day three was woeful with little ground made by anyone, and then a weather delay (booooore) with Day finishing just before with a shocking double bogey, and Kuch finishing after the delay with a bogey, bringing the field closer together.

There were twenty something players within five shots of the lead, and as coverage started on Sunday, all hell was set to break loose. Mickelson was coming through the field, as was Mcilroy. Day unfortunately decided to go backwards. Feeling as though I had had a bet, this started to make me feel prickly. Coupled with the poor quality of the coverage, I started to feel a bit agitated. It was suggested that if I find the coverage frustrating that I don’t watch it, which was met with a burning look. Kuchar then started to cruise. He was sharing the lead with three others at one point, and one by one they all fell apart. DJ bottled in classic style and his putting started to desert him again. This was somewhat surprising as I had only recently remarked to father that I felt this could finally be DJ’s week. The US Open beckons and it is time for a confidence boost, DJ choked last year and needs to get over that. Perhaps next week will be his. Gary Woodland’s short game wasn’t up to the pressure, and he got wooden over everything, and I imagine he’d have rather been a tree. Then Kuch dropped one, and was back in a tie for 1^st, with William Mcgirt. Mcgirt has never won the PGA, or the Web.com, and should not have provided any threat to 7 time winner, course expert Kuchar.

Then there was another buggering weather delay. The rules say that the players have to come off the course for at least an hour before the situation can be assessed again, which meant that I was resigned to reflecting on my decision to not bet this week. And to the washing up. And to getting hungry. And general boredom. I was starting to regret not having a bet on Kuchar. I would currently be counting my many millions, and wondering how to correctly thank the man for the winnings. Perhaps I would write to him. He doesn’t appear to have twitter, which means that a more heartfelt display of affection would be necessary. I have previously mused on commissioning flags to celebrate, but this wouldn’t be enough for Kuchar. I would have to open a wing of a hospital, and name it in his honour. Realistically I would have hardly been able to afford a memorial (see what I did there) bench on the local golf course, but one can dream. Thai food on the way, crockery drying on the rack, the golf resumed.

For some reason, even though this happens every year, the quality of the coverage when resuming from a weather delay is the wrong side of good. It’s unprecedentedly disjointed. No one seems to have any clue about what’s going on, and before I knew it, Kuchar was taking his fourth from the middle of the fairway. He would have to knock this in to make par. He did not. He made double. Form nowhere. He was in the fairway bunker off the tee. No problem. Experienced pros know to take their medicine, get out of the bunker and hope to make par, but settle for bogey. Kuch’s first did not make it out of the bunker, and now it seemed my heart was tied to his fate. He would be ok however, as there was a par 5 next, which he would pick apart with precision tee to green action and solid putting. Laying up in a strong position, Kuch looked set to attack the final par 5. He knocked it over the back. The wind was well up and there was nothing that could have been done about it. He then knifed the shot out of the rough, over to the other side of the green.

This was not good. This is something that I am disappointed about when I do, so I cannot imagine how he had felt. Kuch was choking. I was choking. A beansprout had become stuck in my throat, which is why my eyes were watering. Kuch then made bogey, to cement his fate. I was crushed. How could he have come so close so many times recently, have a grip on the title, and let it slip? Has he really lost his killer instinct, or is he simply saving it? I hope for the latter, but err to the former. Kuch is a world class act, and even though 7 wins on the PGA is a lot, and more than 80 top ten finishes if phenomenal, there is a note of under-performance in his history. He is in the midst of some of the best form anyone has ever heard of, but this could be the end of it. Circumstances outside of his control could be blamed for his failure to win before this week, but now there is no doubt that it was in his grasp, and he let it go. I then decided to be quite smug about not having had a bet this week. Had I backed Kuch, and had he just done that, I would have found the golf course in which Kuchar’s bench would have been, and would have razed it to the ground. I would have turned it in to wasteland. Towering infernos would have been spotted from the International Space Station, and flights all around the globe would have been grounded as my wrath was felt throughout the stratosphere. I would have been in a murderous rage, which would likely not have subsided any time shortly. When Curran and Mcgirt started the play off, I would have opted for Curran. He has shown some form in recent weeks, whereas Mcgirt has not been on my radar. I would have used excessive force and lumped impressively on the 29 year old with all my worth. This would have led to further losses and further rage.

The UN would have had to call an emergency peace committee to stop me, and even then I would not have been happy. Had I bet this week, I think I would be typing this in my own head, in a strait jacket and a padded cell, whilst the butterflies fluttered through my eyes, and I burnt them to crisps with my fiery hatred. Thankfully, a promise made not to bet has allowed me to keep my somewhat tenuous grip on sanity, for this week at least. Luckily, Kuchar is not out next week. 

Sauntering in to Summer

Summer is here. Sort of. Looking at the calendar, it's clear that the Summer is here. Looking out of the window it's anyone's guess what season it is. Looking at my attire at this time of the year, you might think that I think that it's Summer. Looking at my Irish(ish) complexion you would be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

Similarly to this, after watching Jason Day on Friday, one could be forgiven for not remembering that he is World Number One. Well, maybe not if you watched him. Maybe if you jut looked at his score. Actually I'm taking that back. I'm not forgiving you for that.

How could you think that?

Jason absolutely played his heart out to make it round in one under. He couldn't keep his long game under control, stating he felt he had lost some confidence during the round, but his on fire short game saved him from certain doom. Missing things left and right early Jason had me scared. His score fluctuated up and down throughout the day and for every birdie he made he seemed to give a shot right back. I wondered what could have been going on. Not that I bet on it, but I supremely fancied him to be 2nd round leader.

He'd had a good first day, and usually suits an early tee time on a Friday. These are usually preferable, better conditions, cooler, less wind, and comfortable after the first round. It wasn't to be for Jason and he managed a non exciting round and could muster only one under. But I am not worried for the world number one. Saturday is moving day, and Day is a moving day superhero. There are already low scores out there, and it won't take much for Jason to get on a roll and shoot eight or nine under today.

I don't see Steele homing in today and scoring low, but Kuchar could continue to play solid golf and shoot six under again. Unless someone comes and starts creaming up the leaderboard I imagine the score needed for the 54 hole lead will be 17 or 18 under.

World numbers two and three both had spirited days yesterday and both are in touching distance.

Dustin Johnson failed to capitalise on his first round success and shot a stagnant 71. This is the same that Day shot yesterday, but Dustin was consistently in the fairway and was not making moves. I expect this of Dustin, but not until Sunday at least. I expect that he might have a crusher of a day today, be right in contention, and struggle tomorrow. Dustin lacks that Sunday supremacy at the moment, and just needs a bit of confidence to get some murderous killer instinct back.

I will be rooting for Kuchar. I've backed Kuch the last two weeks running and he has returned place dividends and nothing. He is a consummate professional and does what experienced pros do. He finds fairways and greens and avoids three putts.

Defending champ Lingmerth hasn't really got anything going yet and everyone's favourite Dane, Soren Kjeldsen is currently -8 (I've had to edit this number twice now! T1 for Soren) for his day.

Frys.com winner Grillo moved up the leaderboard yesterday and will be playing alongside bomber Gary Woodland. Don't back either of those chaps.

Local boy Harold Varner III is in fine form and is excited to play here. Zac Blair, who narrowly missed the play off with Snedeker and Gomez earlier this year is also putting in a performance here. Memorial is set for a ballistic Saturday Sunday Summer finish and watching will be a roller coaster for sure.

A quick note European-side. If you are thinking about having a bet on this for tomorrow, be prepared to get on the lump to slump train. Matty Fitz (my boy) is looking imperious with a five shot lead. He's 3/8 with some decimal bookie and 1/3 anywhere with a name you'd recognise.

Defending champ Noren is in T2 with Colsaerts which is probably a pair of fairly intimidating names to have behind you, but Fitzy is The British Masters Champ and will have no problem tomorrow.

Probably.

There is a whole bunch of water around that course which could spell trouble, Seems unlikely though.

If you want some value though, put a little tick by Andrew Johnston. The Spanish Open winner is 66s going in to the final day, Bet365 are actually 1/3 the odds for him to make the top 2 which is my value pick for the day,

Go away and watch the golf now.

Remembering the Memorial

I am not betting on the golf this week, as promised.

I am however still obsessed, and am being asked about it. I also have to place bets for people, meaning that the temptation is constant. Like Jesus however, I will resist. Unlike Jesus in every other way I am on holiday. A holiday of sorts. Two nights away by the seaside. Being consumed with golf means that I am itching to play. I was close to convincing Mrs Golfing Greg to play mini golf, before she realised that it was just putting. She then decided that we were going to play crazy golf. Jurassic Park themes crazy golf is an acceptable alternative for putting.

Before the game began however I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not to be giving any instruction or assistance with the putting stroke. Why this is I do not know, but I imagine it was due to the sometimes less than understanding teaching methods. I stayed true to this request (for the most part), and we enjoyed a gale-y game of golf. The razor like astro-turf was running about a 22 on the stint meter, and the distraction of impending attack from a Velociraptor posing as a rules official proved stressful, and my short game was not up to scratch.

The 120 Yard course boasted tough pin positions, a strong parkland style layout, strict tight bridge fairways and punishing thick astro turf. The edges of the holes were lined with thick dense bricks which hugged balls that approached at an angle. The game was a tense affair, with shots lost to nervy putting and slight undulations. All holes were benefited by top green to green action and accuracy was a must. Solid ball striking was waylaid by the somewhat low quality balls and putters. Many holes featured options off the tee, with some heavily angled doglegs. We were slowed by a six ball in front of us which served to cool off the killer instinct come 18.

I had a five shot lead walking up to the last. It was a short straight hole, which angled 45 degrees upwards, the pin placed three quarters up the up-slope. Thanks to some extreme improvement Mrs GG had the honour on 18, and promptly made a hole in one to force the pressure on to me. It took me four shots to nail the win. The first was the best putt, lacking only a little pace. A little pile-up after the 6 ball ahead meant there was a small crowd around the 18th tee. After my second putt there was some amusement in the crowd, but after my third when I swiftly started swearing meant that some children's ears were covered. I suppose they aren't used to people playing golf to my standard.

A one shot victory felt hollow, but was a victory nonetheless. I wondered how the professionals felt when they narrowly won a golfery tournament, almost losing it down the last, and my thoughts turned to the up coming golf this weekend, and what a weekend we are set up for. The top three in the betting are the top three in the world and all won on their last time out. The top five in the world are taking part in this tournament, and it looks set to rock Memorial.

Jason Day is the tournament favourite with good reason. World Number 1 has been crushing it lately and loves being on a roll. With his success rate at the moment backing him at anything better than 3/1 is basically a value must and 13/2 is huge. (was huge). Day overcame the best field in golf at the Players, and finally has a chance to perform in front of family and friends at his adopted home.

People might try and tell you that Spieth and Mcilroy are problems for Day this week but don't let them. All three have won in their last appearances. This is a wonderous thing. It means that the top three world ranked players in golf are all in top form. It means we could be set for a huge showdown. In my opinion it does not mean that. As mentioned Day prevailed against the best field in Golf. The other two, did not. Rory prevailed against a mediocre European Tour field, which he should always beat. Spieth notched a confidence builder against a stagnant PGA tour field, finishing birdie birdie birdie to take the lead over a fairly sub standard field.

Day's victory therefore carries more weight than the other two. Bubba Watson hasn't done anything since having a bad week at the Masters, and Rickie threw away a 54 hole lead not long ago. Kuchar is still in the form of his life and will be my only other pick this week.

FYI the golf has started so sorry about that,

Weekend Woes

What an absolutely awful weekend. A wicked way to wend through the days. Zero returns and much dignity and money and confidence and happiness and life lost. I've had bad weekends but none have been this painful. There was nothing positive about this weekend.

Rosberg has been heroic lately. He has been winning all over the shop and must be strutting around the paddock (F1 not horses) with a strong semi at the thought of being crowned champion at the end of the season. Were I Nico, I certainly would be walking around with stretched trousers and a huge smile. I would especially be doing that at the track around my home, which I had won at three times before. 

                                          

I would certainly be looking forward to de-constructing qually with some superior times, forcing the other drivers to quiver in their little booties. I would zip round my home town, and batter the morale from everyone else. I would also give Golfing Greg a little text and tell him to back me to win qually at 9/2 because that kind of value is just insulting. I would then go an fulfil Greg's dreams. What I would not do is let a little impetuous Aussie out qualify me and then not even apologise for losing Greg's money. 

Unfortunately I am not Nico Rosberg. Nico Rosberg is Nico Rosberg. He was not able to do any of the things that I would do in his position, meaning that the £20 I have on him to make the fastest qualification lap went right down the place where the toilet water goes. This was disappointing given that my weekend was already not going considerably well. I still remained positive. I have also had £5 on Rosberg to complete the hat-trick (fastest qually, race winner and fastest race lap). This went down in typical fashion and Rosberg was only to start the race in 2^nd. I used positivity to rationalise this at serving to drift the price on Rosberg winning.

On Saturday evening I reloaded with a £5 double on Westwood and Palmer.

I also had a £5 treble with Westood, Palmer and Colin Montgomerie.

I also had a £5 fourfold with Westood, Palmer, Colin Montgomerie and Nico Rosberg.

I also had a £5 fivefold with Westood, Palmer, Colin Montgomerie, Nico Rosberg and England minus three, against Wales in the rugby international.

Westy was 5/1, Palmer was 9/2, Monty was 11/4, Nico was 3/1 and England were 10/11. The four bets returned £165, £618.75, £2475 and £4725 respectively.

I based this idea on how well Westwood had played at the Masters, and assumed that against a lower class field he may prevail.

Palmer seemed to be on the verge of becoming an absolute slayer and murdering the competition in Texas. He is a local hero and I fancied him to cream Spieth and the rest of the competition.

I decided to add Monty to the treble because he was the defending champ here and Father had backed him on Thursday, and I wanted some more interest and maybe money.

Rosberg was next and seemed an obvious choice. Imperious lately and holding a home advantage, well priced and certain to win. Surely?

Finally, I decided to add England at 10/11 on the handicap. -3 seemed a seriously short handicap given England’s Grand Slamming, Triple Crowning battering of the Six Nations, and whilst 10/11 is a short price I fancied them to bolster my four-fold to a five-fold.

The first part of any of the bets that would complete was the Grand Prix. A decision was made to not watch the start (or most of) the Grand Prix. I therefore am not completely certain as to the circumstances of Nico being in 6th place by the time that I tuned in, but he was. It was a tense but frankly uninteresting affair with Rosberg not making any ground on anyone and ultimately not finishing in 1^st. This was a bit sore. It meant that both the four-fold and the five-fold were no good. I was not going to win thousands of pounds this weekend. I briefly wondered if I should have covered all of my options and placed a £5 Lucky 31. This of course supposes that I would even have £155 in the first place, which, in case you were wondering I do not. Rosberg left me on the verge of self-hatred but I was full of brunch so I didn’t mind too much.

The final parts of the BMW PGA would cross over with the Rugby and watching the two at the same time would be impossible, so I just carried on watching the Golf. Lee Westwood was not on form. Donkey like attempts at knocking in birdies led to more than one three putt from short range, and bogies befell Westy. I also had some more multiples including these two malicious marauding murderous golfists. Lee’s lamentable putting had me swigging bleach like there was no tomorrow. He was sufficiently over par and it looked like I wouldn’t be making it even to the double. Before Westy could make my Sunday any worse I had to go and have dinner with my parents.

During this time, I learnt, pointlessly, that England had covered their -3 handicap more than sufficiently. England won by 14 points. They were trailing by three at the end of the 1^st half, but thanks to some spirited play crushed Wales in the second half, winning the half 17-0 and the game 27-13. This was already not set for a consolation prize due to Nico’s early failure and my multiple betting only.

Westwood continued his hurtful run of awfulness and came 15^th, not even good enough for an ante post place, let alone winning the tournament for me. I like Lee but at the time I was hating on him pretty hard. Some fairly atrocious abuse was being chucked his way in the group chat. I also realised that I didn’t have enough money even to buy rope from which to hang myself, so would Have to risk being arrested breaking in to my local Wickes to fashion a solid set of gallows.

After dinner we played several games of cards. In typical luck of the weekend fashion I was not able to win any of these games. Father had lent our chainsaw to someone else so I had no chance to use it upon my head after this shambolic appearance. It would have been easier to drink myself in to a stupor, but among such company this behaviour is frowned upon.

Father then asked me to back Dufner for him, so I decided to reload with another small bet on Palmer, to hopefully lessen the pain were he to win. Early on this didn’t look like a bad bet, and it even looked as though Kuchar was going to reap some dividends for me. Kuch was flying through the back nine and looked set to finish well inside the places. A string of pars and a bogey turned those dreams well and truly in to nightmares and the happy man of golf left me with an upside down smile.

Watching the rest of the golf then was just kind of painful. Palmer was going well but not well enough, and then all of a sudden, the lone star kid, started holing putts. Over the course of the next six or seven holes Jordan proved why he still deserves to be a short favourite at every tournament going. He cruised through the field and finished birdie birdie birdie. He also chipped in from a poor lie in a short-sided position. The people at CBS decided I would have to watch this clip over and over and over again. I expressed that this felt as though someone cutting me open and pouring in kilo after kilo of salt. This is how I had felt for the whole weekend. Rosberg should have won the Grand Prix. Westwood should have won the golf. So should Palmer, and Monty, and England did cover their handicaps. I should be rolling in huge dirty bundles of money from being excellent at betting but instead I am hating the weekend I have had to suffer, wishing I had chosen instead to spend it with my head in the grip of a Great White Shark’s mouth. Or perhaps dodging traffic on the autobahn. Or maybe just setting myself on fire.

I’m not betting on the golf next weekend. This isn’t one of those I’m not betting on the golf this weekend and then changing my mind the next minute this is one of those proper I’m not betting on the golf next weekend decisions. I’ll still do a preview but I won’t be touching it. I need some time to recover from the emotional trauma I am suffering at my own hands. 

Halfway to the Double

It seems that I was right. It seems that I was right to worry about Mcilroy. It seems that I was also right about Mcilroy winning the week before, if a little premature. In lieu of having a successful ante-post selection on the Irish Open I opted to have a double on the Saturday night. The double was Willett, at 6s, and Garcia, at 9s. I thought that this was the best bet ever and decided to tell myself I had already won, which prompted a fair amount of confused dancing. 

Willett however did not wish to oblige, instead deciding to crash and burn through the final round and shoot a god-awful five over par. Willett obviously understands that humility is important as a world class sportsman, but every wry smile and laugh at a bad shot for him was a knife in the belly for me. I felt as though I'd been stitched up worse than Jon Snow. The reason for this was not abundantly clear to me, and judging by the way in which he is cruising through Wentworth as I type, it seems I am suffering from a fatal case of backing a week too early. Rory cruised to victory on 18 with a simply sublime 3 wood, from 254 or something yards, which he stuck to two foot, enabling a tap in eagle. Knox unfortunately was not up to the task, and Rory finally took home his national Open trophy.

Willett flashed through the leader-board barely holding on for a T23 finish, when he had looked so promising, and so plumply priced at 6s. In fact, only two people had worse rounds than him on Sunday, which is not something that should be expected from the Masters champion. Willett ruined my hopes of nailing the double, and the chaps at whichever bookies I used were probably laughing their heads off at me. 

Rory winning was not really all that crushing. It was a bit because I'd backed him well the week before, only to be disappointed, It wasn't as though he'd squeezed my chaps out just before the line, so I wasn't too bothered. I was however, hungry, so I went for a curry and some beers, I had a long evening of watching golf in store, and I would need all the energy possible. 

Kuchar was in top position. As I had already stated, I only rated him as being one off the lead, meaning that he wouldn't have to do too much to get himself up there. My prophetic telling of the lead at -14 held eerily true. -15 was the score required to get in to the play off, meaning Matty would only need to shoot -2 for the day to have a serious chance of reviving his winning ways. Obviously he did not know this at the time. Those of you who know me will know that he was not able to do this, which has provided much disappointment. I was delighted to be joined in my usual solitary viewing of the golfery by Mrs Golfing Greg. 

She wasted no timed in telling me, in no uncertain terms, how stupid I was to let the golf affect me like it did. Every time Kuchar had a putt for birdie, of which there were 13 separate occasions. Unfortunately for me, only 3 of these were holed, which after cancelling out the two bogies, meant my chap, Kuch, could only do one under for the day. If I shot one under for the day somewhere, I'd promptly go mental and proclaim myself the next Tiger Woods, whilst tweeting Jason Day and telling him to retire now, lest I embarrass him on the links. For Kuchar however, it meant a third place outright, and for me it meant no better than money back. Nearly. I had decided to reload with a further £20 on Kuchar at 9/2, and with that and the £5 double, with returns of (only) £45 on Kuchar, with £45 laid out on the AT&T, £20 laid on the Irish Open, meant a poor weekend of -£45. It is however said that dorm is temporary, and class permanent. This means that id I am indeed classy then it'll come back to me, and that if I am in bad form that will have to end so that'll come back too. 

Sergio cruised through in to the play off which he easily won. I am going to suggest that bookies give you a free bet if you get let down by one selection in your double. Getting to the halfway house and then failing miserably is awful. It's worse though when the second one lets you down. Then you've been given a modicum of hope by the first and you start dreaming.

Kuchar had me writhing around in agony all evening. So many opportunities to post a solid score, yet it was not to be. I couldn't get comfortable wherever I sat, changing from sofa to floor with such fluidity and frequency as to raise an eyebrow from Mrs Greg. I am not one of those people who incessantly shake their legs, causing sufficient disturbance as to register on the Richter scale, (you know who you are.(Rocco)), neither am I one of those people who sits calmly in one position for hour on end, like a corpse. I move around from time to time, and am occasionally confronted with scorn for this, to which my standard response is to apologise for being alive. This sentiment usually drips with as much sarcasm as can be mustered, in an effort to satirise the situation. My witty response is usually met with further scorn. Such is life. 

In spite of all of this, I could not bring myself to wish harm on to Kuchar. I am usually the first to wish harm on people who are denying me winnings, quick to curse and threaten but not this week. Kuch is just so obviously a top bloke and is so nice I couldn't wish harm to him. I did have some fleeting dark thoughts about wiping the natural smile from his face but those were quickly banished because he looked so happy. So even on 18 when I finally slumped down on to the floor dejected, I had little negative to say about him. Perhaps he had lost a little of his killer instinct. Kuch's form now reads 3-T3 making him immensely backable. So I have backed him again. 

The iron is hot. It is time to strike. Snedeker won early this year with form of 3-2, Adam Scott finished T2 before winning the following two weeks. Jason Day finished T5 before winning the Players, and Bubba posted a 3rd place before winning the Hero Open. Rory, Spieth and Fowler have all posted low numbers before cranking out a win, and I have no reason to think that Kuchar won't win this week. 

Solid tee to green action will be required at the Dean & Deluca this week, as well as solid putting, which Kuch has in abundance. Kuch boasts a 2nd finish at Colonial, and a missed cut the year after is easily forgiven after a serious dip in confidence. That and a small tipple on Boo Weekley, hugely priced at 80s, a former winner here, in a little bit of form, should set up well. Now for a quick hop back over the pond to home. 

The BMW PGA is supposed to be the flagship of the European Tour. Excellently run and attended, it used to draw huge status in fields, with many of the worlds top players attending. These days is an excellently run and attended European Tour event. Mcilroy and Rose not playing has a huge effect, and Poulter doesn't want to play either. This meant that the strength of the field is not significant. I considered Willett for a while, but decided to go another way with Molinari, Francesco that is. Molinari is is good nick at the moment, coming in to the BMW with 5 made cuts on the PGA tour, and brings three top tens in three years at Wentworth. That's enough for me to back him. 

Each way action on Molinari and Kuchar as well as an each way double is my real interest this week. 

On Wednesday, this was incredibly sound thinking. Today it is not. Kuch shot +3 yesterday and Molinari is currently +1 thanks to a so far one over par second round and a fairly lacklustre first round. Edit, make that two -2. Willett was going obscenely well earlier, and his card for today shows eight birdies, six pars and four bogies, which makes it somewhat eventful. 

Safe to say things are going along all that well. I now also learn that the Colonial tournament is delayed by at least three hours, which means that the coverage will be shocking. 

One final note. Those who play golf will know that the player furthest from the hole takes his or her shot first. There are very few exceptions to this. Sky Sports (perhaps at the mercy of CBS/The Golf Channel) have recently decided it prudent to show some shots, putting especially, out of sequence, which more often than not, means that you already know where the second golfist's ball is going, because you saw his marker when they showed the first golfist's putt out of sequence. Sky Sports, sort your lives out. 

Dabble on the Double

I like Kjeldson. But I hate Kjeldson. This vernacular is something I often use when describing a close friend. I can't bring myself to annex this person completely, but I can hate him, and at the same time occasionally like him. This is how Soren Kjeldson is making me feel. I hate him because he is refusing to live up to the standards that I expect him. I like him because he's just so friendly and likeable and every now and then does some good golfery, however this just seems to serve to infuriate me when he plays like an idiot. After a fairly solid three under on the first day, Soren decided to celebrate by dashing my hopes with a brace of 74s, a total of four over for his second and third rounds. Having backed Kjeldson in play I neglected to take advantage of each way terms, so Soren has an almost incomprehensible task to make me some money today, probably setting a new world record. 

But I've moved on. Soren isn't going to do it. The other person that didn't do it is Andy Sullivan. Around the same time that I backed Kjeldson, I read that Andy had recently (the day before) had a child, and on that day would be turning 30. Using the news of the newly arrived child I quickly applied the Willett theory and backed Sullivan. I'm ashamed to say I became a little frenzied in this endeavour and it wasn't until I had the bet on that my heart decided to calm down. Sullivan had evidently decided that my heart should calm down so much that it stopped, in order for me to die, as he carded two 75s to miss the cut. Perhaps he wanted to spend time with his newborn. Or maybe he was hungover. Or both. 

Thankfully, things are going significantly better across the pond. When I say significantly what I mean is somewhat. The primary result of the formula was Kuchar who currently sits in T3. Kuch is playing well and with plenty of self confidence, my fingers are crossed and I know that this evening my heart will be beating. I'm also trying to rationalise a feeling that -16, which is currently the lead, isn't the actual lead. Whilst Koepka is a powerhouse, and is not up for a maiden win, having bagged one last year, taking home the Phoenix Open Trophy, he has come in to this tournament in a spate of missed cuts and Top 25 finishes, all without really contending on the last day. The T5 in the WGC Match Play doesn't really count to me because....C'est la Match Play and it's not the same. I'm in no doubt that this absolute beater of the ball will win again soon, but I don't think this is his week. I therefore do not credit him as leading, and see the lead as -14. In my mind at least this means that my chap is no worse than one shot behind, and as the tournament doesn't really start until the back nine on Sunday, we are well poised to strike. Even if Koepka does hold up, three behind is nothing, and holding the 54 hole lead is much harder than chasing it. 

Dufner is a few back and Hoffman somehow managed to go backwards on Saturday. The other chaps somehow managed to miss the cut, so DeLaet. Palmer, Bradley, Piercy and Affrunti will bear no fruit for me this week. 

I have decided to have a small reload this week, to open up the opportunities, and have had a double on Willett and Garcia. Both chaps are three off the lead (and we know what I think about Koepka). Willett shook the rust off at the Players last week and is now back to contend. A disappointing four shot swing in round three means that his price has drifted out to a luscious 6/1 and Garcia looks tasty being in theory only one shot behind, and priced at 9/1. It is however World Numbers 2 and 3 that cause me problems. Mcilroy has not won since May last year. This is good for me. It means that he may struggle. The psychological aspect of Mcilroy’s game is not evident lately, and the 54 hole lead is a precarious thing. The mentality seems to be to go out and play defensive golf, make fairways, greens and pars. However, this usually comes unwrapped, somewhere around the 11^th hole, or perhaps later, with a mistake or two, putting the leader amongst the chasing pack.

From here, it is very hard to change to an attacking manner of play, and the lead is often lost. This could easily happen to Mcilroy. The reason that he worries me however is his name. As Willett looks at the leader board and sees one of the biggest names in golf, he may start to get a little unnerved. Let’s hope that this is not the case, and that he is able to triumph. At the Masters, Mcilroy was ahead of him going in to the last round, and it seemed to have little effect there, and I trust that it will be repeated here.

Sergio Garcia has not won on the PGA Tour since 2012. How strange it seems to say that. He won in Europe in 2014, and Asia in 2015, but his PGA Tour success is lacking some more glass-ware at the moment. A slip down the world rankings sees him in 15^th, compared to his best when he was in 2^nd! Garcia can easily conquer this three shot deficit, (or one shot), and could find himself lifting the Byron Nelson trophy after a twelve year vacancy. Jordan Spieth is the worry here. Sort of. The reason for the worry is the same reason as Mcilroy, his name. Spieth could do almost anything tomorrow, and everyone will be aware of that. Thankfully, so far, his ball striking has left a whole lot to be desired. Even with his long irons he has been dramatically off line, and this could plague him coming down the stretch.

The dynamic duos double pays 69/1. This represents excellent value considering that Willett is in second place, and Sergio is only one off the lead (in a sense).

I will be tuning in to the European action shortly, and the PGA action later, and if I lose you will be able to read my obituary in tomorrow’s paper. Or perhaps Tuesday’s.

Welcome to the Revolution

What you are looking at is a revelation in golf. Well, golf betting at least. A cacophonous revolution in the way that I pick my selections. The process is relatively self explanatory. You take the course form for each player from the last five years, add each result together, and divide by the number of times he has competed. For instance, if a player had played four of the five last years, finishing 1st, 10th, 48th and missing the cut, the sum would appear as (1+10+48+95)/4. 95 is the score given for a missed cut, as it will always be higher than players who have just made the cut, by as much as 20 points. That compiles the course form, and our mythical player scored 38.5.

The next column is current form, which takes in to account the mean of the player's last five finishes in any competition. Missing the cut still scores 95, so if our player had last finished 18th, 29th, 8th, MC and 5th, then the sum would be (18+29+8+95+5)/5 which totals 31.00.

The penultimate column is "SG Putting". This stands for Strokes Gained putting, and is taking directly from the PGA Tour website stats. It means, in effect, how many putts, on average, out player is better than the field. We just use the ranking number, so being T5 in SG Putting equals a 5 for his score.

The final column is "SG Tee to Green". This stands for, you guessed it, Strokes Gained Tee to Green, and is representative of how efficiently a player can get from the tee to the green, versus the average of the field. Again, we just take the ranking number, so if out theoretical golfist was ranked 35th, he would score a 35.

The next bit is the simplest, which is adding together the scores. Which for our player means the sum of 38.5+31+5+35=109.5. The total sum which looks a little confusing is ((1+10+48+95)/4)+((18+29+8+95+5)/5)+5+35+109.5. This would make for the best score of the lot and I would certainly back him. However, this bloke is not involved.

In order to qualify to move on from course form to current form, players had to score in the top ten, and have had more than 3 results at the course. Unfortunately, there were no stats available for Joe Affrunti, which means that his place at the top of the leader-board is not a realistic representation of his ability, but his course form was so strong, I had to have him involved, and at a price of 750/1, I snapped him up.

After that, we can see that Kuchar leads the scoring by a fair margin to Hoffman. This makes Kuchar my primary selection for the week, and at 20/1, I'm hoping to see a good return.

Hoffman is a bit of a no brainer here, performing well in Texas regularly, and scoring well in the stats, Hoffman should be aided by his distance off the tee, which will count for extra around this relatively soft course. Hoffman should be insulted at being priced up at 28s, and I hope to pay the bookies back in kind, on his behalf. Were I to speak to Hoffman, I'm sure he would thank me, and would state that he lives vicariously through me.

Next up Ryan Palmer. Palmer has excellent form around here, with finishes of 10th, 22nd, 33rd, 9th and 2nd. His current form is also in pretty good shape, having not missed a cut since the Frys.Com, and finishing T4 in the Valero. Palmer also ranks highly in driving distance, which will make a huge difference this week, with heavy rain forecast. Palmer is surprisingly priced up at 50s, which for a player of his calibre around this course is nothing short of defamatory.

Getting to the heady heights of the list is Jason Dufner. He just squeezed through in the the main plan, thanks only to ranking well in course form, and SG Tee to Green. Dufner hasn't made much of an impact since winning the Career Builder, but he had a good rest after the Masters, and has made both of his cuts since then. Dufner, like Palmer, is 50s, which seems like a good piece of the pie.

Finally, quick words on the second part of the plan. DeLaet, Keegan Bradley and Scott Piercy all make it in due in large part to their impressive course form. Piercy actually ranks 2nd of all my picks in SG Putting, whilst Bradley ranks 2nd in SG Tee to Green. They all make it in, and their prices are below.

Kuchar 20
Hoffman 28
Palmer 50
Dufner 50

DeLaet 60
Piercy 35
Bradley 80
Affrunti 750

Finally, time for some reasons to take on the market leaders. Both Jordan Spieth and Dustin Johnson would have been at the top of our plans, Jordan would have scored 121.15, making him a narrow leader over Matt Kuchar. However, Spieth doesn't seem to have recovered from Augusta yet. Putting excellence can only get you so far, and Jordan's ball striking is nowhere near where it used to be. Mentally, he isn't the same yet, and this is a bombers course, and his relative lack of distance won't help him here. A missed cut last week won't inspire confidence in the world number 2, and best price of 8/1 doesn't inspire me either.

Dustin Johnson scored a chart crushing 67.4667, which is astounding. His average finish on this course is 11.6th, his current form average finish is 10.8th, he's ranked 37th in SG Putting and 8th in SG Tee to Green, which is impressive. This powerhouse should be able to crush this course this weekend, and with the possibility of a 54 hole finish, may find himself winning without any pressure. However, I cannot bring myself to back Dustin Johnson, for anything other than 1st round leader, until he wins a tournament. His famed three putt at the US Open last year leaves a sour taste, and even though I agree, he was putting to win the US Open, not get in the play-off, he hasn't been the same ever since. He hasn't won since the WGC in March 2015, and even though he is in good form, and loves the course, his price does not justify the risk.

I'll not be having a punt on the Irish Open this week, but I thoroughly look forward to watching it, so not having a bet on it is probably for the best. Were I forced to pick someone, it would be Kjeldson. The affable Dane is in good form at the moment, and this is his title defence.

Edit: Ok so I had a quick look at the betting for the Irish Open and Kjeldson is 40s so I have had a piece of the action.

Played by the Players

Another shocker of a weekend.

I can't work out whether I should start with the bad news, the really bad news, or the good news.

I had the following bets on The Players. £30 win Mcilroy at 17/2. £10 win Mcilroy at 33s. £10 each way Sergio Garcia, 28s. £5 each way Phil Mickelson at 50s. £5 win Billy Horschel at *** and £5 win on Brooks Koepka at ***. £80 laid out, £0 returns.

£0.

Again.

A loss of £80.

This was somewhat mitigated by the triumphing of Wang, in the European Tour. A few days ago I wrote that I had backed him at 8/11 and he swiftly underwent a 3 shot swing to go 4 shots behind. Miraculously, he was able to claim one of those shots back over the next few holes, and went to the 16th tee only 3 shots behind. Yes that's right, he had 3 holes to make up 3 shots, easy right? Well the other bloke, Rahman, decided to crumble at this point, and swiftly hit a bad drive. Rahman is not a big hitter of the ball, and this often plays to his advantage off the tee, meaning that his ball does not usually go very awry. This was not an occasion where shortness off the tee saved him, and he was forced to hit a provisional.

I had, however, at this point all but given up. I was barely watching, and decided that a BLT baguette was much more suited to my needs than watching Rahman searching for his ball, and I supposed he would of course find it, and cruise to victory. This would have left me desperately searching the office for something to open my veins with, as the office does not have a bath.

Upon my return, I was surprised to see that Rahman was putting for a 6. This was unexpected. He knocked it in, and I waited with baited breath to find out what Wang was putting for. Probably a 6 also, I thought, not allowing my hopes to get the better of me. But no, Wang was putting for par, which he knocked in easily, thanks to a wondrous chip as a third shot, which was stuffed to about 8 inches.

All of a sudden I was really back in the game. One shot down with two to play is nothing, Wang had the honour, and was ready to put Rahman in the pressure cooker. The pin was accessible, and thanks to the heavy rain earlier in the day, the ball was stopping quickly. Wang decided to put his ball in the bunker instead. I decided to stop watching. Before I knew it, I decided to start watching again. Wang had made par, and somehow, Rahman had made bogey. I was level. Wang was now odds on for the first time since I placed my bet. A good tee shot set him up to attack the green in two, on the finishing par five. Rahman was in the fairway too, but could not manage any better than short and right of the green in two. Wang stuck it in the bunker, and the race was on. A mediocre chip from Rahman gave Wang the advantage, and he did not disappoint, displaying supreme touch in his short game, and sticking another one to 3 foot. Rahman had a putt for the birdie, to force Wang to make his putt for a play off, but couldn't make it.

It was so surreal. From certain loss of many £s, was a chance to win some. Wang knocked in his putt, and the money was mine. £172 and change, £72 profit. I was still £8 down for the weekend, unless one of my other golfists could haul himself up The Players leader-board. Whilst winning £72 is not a huge amount of money, especially given the stake, I immediately went mental. I had told several people about the bet already, all of whom laughed at me when I told them the current prices. I ran around, whooping and hollering, cheering to anyone close enough to know of my success. When I say ran around, what I mean is I sat at my desk breathing heavily and went for a high five from Mr Harrow.

This was good news. I was seconds away from being buggered silly by the weekend, and now I was in a position to possibly make some money, or worst case hardly lose any. What I should have done was put all of the money on Jason Day, who seemed imperious, priced at 3.10, would have given me around £224, putting me in profit of £40 for the weekend. You may be able to discern from my tone that I did not do this.

I opted instead to have two £5 bets on the F1. The Ferraris are excellent around Barcelona, and had shown some brilliant pace in practice, so I had £5 win on Vettel at 25s and £5 win on Riakkonen at 45s. It didn't take long for these bets to start to look extremely good as Rosberg and Hamilton clashed on the third corner, with Nico squeezing Lewis for position, Lewis ran wide on the grass, spun, and took Nico out. Lewis, famously wearing his heart on his sleeve, showed his anger by throwing his steering wheel (£35,000 worth) on to the floor. My bets immediately seemed excellent with Ferraris in commanding positions, with just the pesky 18-year-old-recently-promoted-to-Red-Bull-from-Torro-Rosso Max Vestappen to pass.

Fortune however continued to evade me, and over the next 65 laps, Max showed Seb and Kimi why he had been promoted, and why he was justifiably about to become the youngest winner of a Formula 1 Grand Prix. So congratulations to Max and commiserations to me. All of my attention now turned to the evening's golf.

What would TPC Sawgrass have in hand for me. It was not impossible for Mcilroy to win, and I briefly considered having a piece of the 100/1 about his victory, you know, for scenes, but decided against it. And wisely so. Mcilroy is so close to playing at his best again. Every aspect of his game is in top condition, with the huge exception of his putting. He was ranked as the worst putter over the course of the tournament, and it is only thanks to the excellent other aspects of his game. I would like to be more expressive, but at the risk of sounding crazy, he putts like a dog. A dog with no head and only one leg. I would have more success putting by throwing such a poor beast at golfery balls, and will be writing to the Mcilroy household to express that view. Mcilroy did not win, even though he had plenty of birdie putts. He had 15 putts for birdie, and was able to make only 4 of them. With an average a little below one in three, Rory was never going to win. Had he been able to average two in three, he would have shot 10 under for the day, set a new course record, and gotten in to a play off, which, riding high, it's more than possible he could have won. Had he putted any better than making two of three birdie putts, he would have won the tournament.

What else to say? Sergio decided to go backwards over the weekend, carding a 77 and a 75, which was abhorrent, Phil had already missed the cut, Koepka and Horschel did nothing, and I am left wanting. A very small loss for the weekend is easily over looked, but the ego and confidence is bruised. I could hardly face myself on Monday, and whilst cycling in to London, decided not to bet this week. Before the next pedal stroke I decided that was utter nonsense and of course I would bet this week.